Busy Little Bee

So I haven't been posting much because I've been having so much fun quilting. Here are some of my projects...

Accepting Myself

When I am truly myself,
I find it easy to smile.
I feel joyous and enthusiastic about my life.
I know where I am going.
I feel at peace, inside and out.
~Soul Catcher

I love this little poem so much that I have it on the desktop of my computer. It reminds me to be myself. Whenever I try to force myself into the mold that someone else has set for me, I end up being very unhappy and unfulfilled with my life.

A few things I've had to accept:
~I just do not like to garden. I love gardens, but I truly detest having to create and maintain one.
~I will never look like the women on TV. I do need to be at a healthier size, but I have to accept that I will never have the long legs and torso of Julia Roberts.
~It is okay that I am not a helicopter parent who has to live her life through her children. It is okay that I have a separate identity from my children.

It is okay for me to be ME! That's why I love the commandment that Gretchen Rubin has in The Happiness Project - Be Gretchen. So that is what I try to do - be Lynn. It's a pretty great place to be!

Latest Projects

Here is my latest quilting project. It is a wall hanging for my living room. I've become obsessed with trees. I've been looking everywhere for some tree wall art and have only found one picture that I like (and can afford), so I decided to make my own wall art.

The tree was made from various fabric scraps as well as some charm squares cut into 2.5" inch squares. I haven't quilted it yet, I always seem to mess things up when I quilt them, so I'm just enjoying my beautiful top for now.

I didn't really end up completing any other Cha-Cha Challenges, although maybe my tree can count for the quilt since I did use some charm packs. I did make an apron though. The fabric is Portobello Market from 3 Sisters by Moda. Turned out a little plain, but it's not too bad for my own design.And last but not least, here is a quilt that I made for my mother-in-law. I am seriously loving this new hobby!

Happiness Challenge #1 - Live Longer

In my quest for joy, I have found many new bits of inspiration. One that I love the most is Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. You must, must MUST visit Gretchen Rubin's blog at http://www.happiness-project.com/. I even recommend that you read the book, which is a New York Times Bestseller.

Gretchen's memoir about trying to increase the happiness in her everyday life instead of running off to find herself (a la Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love - whom I also happen to love), has inspired me to create a happiness project of my own. Like Gretchen, I love the idea of creating lists and resolutions and giving myself a gold star for accomplishing them. I also love the idea of focusing on one aspect of my life at at time. Since I tend to get overwhelmed by possibilities, this is a good strategy for me.

I am going to follow Gretchen's example and have a happiness project of my own. Each month I'll focus on a different goal. For June, I decided to start with my health. I have long battled with my weight and have tried every diet there is, but I just can't work with diets or deprivation anymore. I do, however, still need to lose forty pounds in order to be healthier. Carrying around forty extra pounds on my short 5'3" frame just isn't conducive to a long life. Plus, it makes me unhappy - and I'm supposed to be getting rid of all the things that make me unhappy. I'm still fairly young, but I know that this extra weight will take its toll on my body and could lead to many nasty things, such as high blood pressure and diabetes.

Instead of a diet, I am reading The Spark

and I have joined SparkPeople, a lovely place to hang out and get motivated about being healthy. SparkPeople has a calorie tracker, fitness tracker, recipes, exercises, message boards, and teams you can join to motivate you. Best of all, it is FREE!!!

I'm loving SparkPeople and how it is helping me to live a more healthy lifestyle. You should check it out http://www.sparkpeople.com/.

So far, I've managed to keep my resolutions AND keep up with the week one challenges set forth in The Spark. I'm drinking more water and eating less (having to count my calories really opened my eyes to how much I had been eating). The next step I hope to focus on is being more active. I absolutely HATE exercising, but I've found that if I only have to do it for 15 minutes, then it isn't so bad. I'm hoping to find something I love enough to actually WANT to do it, but so far, no luck. Oh well, the month isn't over yet...

New Cha-Cha Challenge Project

Here is my second completed Cha-Cha Challenge project, which was actually the first challenge given to us. It took me a while to complete it because I knew I wanted to make pillows for my mom, but couldn't find a pattern that I was happy with, that used half square triangles. The challenge was to create something that incorporated half square triangles made from charm packs. Here is what I finally came up with:


I hope my mom likes her Mother's Day Gift.

To find out more about Stitchin' Heaven and the Cha-Cha Challenge click the button below.

Day 100!!!!

Well, I made it to day 100 (which is better than I did with the wellness challenge), and I feel that I have gained a lot from my little project.

I have found 90 things that I am grateful for.

I've rediscovered how to use the Law of Attraction to get what I want from the universe.

I have removed the negative energy in my life.

I've discovered that contentment is not a bad word.

I've taken on new challenges in hobbies that I love.

I understand my role as a mother and wife better.

I've enjoyed this challenge, it has forced me to rethink joy and helped me discover more ways to bring it into my life. Am I 100% more joyful? Not really. But I am more aware of what brings me joy, and I do those things more often. I know what drains the joy from my life and I know what triggers frustration and sadness. I am now more likely to avoid those things or cut them out of my life completely.

I discovered that I have a pretty fantastic life and I have many awesome people who surround me. I have so many little things to be thankful for and I need to not focus on the big things that I cannot change.

So what's in store for me now? Well, I'm going to continue to use this blog to bring me joy. Even if no one reads my posts, I love writing them and I love knowing that I am putting forth some good karma to combat the negative energy on the Internet. I will continue to share my thoughts on joy and happiness as well as share my love of quilting and stamping. Who knows where my life will take me?

"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between man and the life he leads?" ~ Albert Camus

Day 96 - Contentment

One thing that I have come to learn in the past 96 days is that being content doesn't mean I am settling. I used to fear the word contentment. I felt that being content wasn't the same as being happy. To me, being content meant the same as being satisfied and being satisfied meant that I'd accepted my lot in life. Which, of course, I hadn't. There was so much more that I wanted in my life and so much more that I wanted to do.


But lately I've come to realize that contentment is not the same as accepting my fate. Feeling content means that I am happy with the moment. I am mindful of what is around me and what surrounds me makes me feel good. It doesn't mean that I am settling, it means that I am accepting the gift of the moment. I can still continue to strive while enjoying what I have.

Letting go of this misconception has really changed how I create happiness in my life. Occasionally, while I am puttering about, I will think to myself, "I am content," and a feeling of warmth radiates through me. It is easier for me to accept contentment as a state of mind, than it is to believe that I am happy. I think that this is because of my misconception of happiness. I suppose to me happiness equals giddiness and since I rarely feel giddy, I thought I was never happy. Contentment on the other hand is different. Being content means that I feel good, which I have noticed is how I feel most of the time. How refreshing to finally understand that while I am not giddy with happiness, I am content and feel good. I am not settling, but I am able to accept the blessing of the moment. WOW!!

Now the definitions of happiness and contentment may be very different for you, but it has been very unburdening to finally understand how I felt about these words and how my perceptions were coloring my daily life. Do you feel there is a difference between happiness and contentment?

Day 93 - Accomplishment

YAY!!! Here is my first completed Cha-Cha Challenge - a purse or bag made from charm packs.





The pattern is the Charming Drawstring Beach Bag by Sheri Howard from the Moda Bakeshop. The fabric is Audrey Jeanne's Deja Brew from Studio E Fabrics. This was super easy to make, especially since it was from a charm pack and everything was pre-cut.


Here is the link to the pattern:
http://www.modabakeshop.com/2009/07/charming-drawstring-beach-bag.html

For more information about the cha-cha challenge click the button below:


I'm having a great time quilting my way through this challenge, plus my skills are getting better with each project. I can't wait to start the next one.

Day 92 - Rejuvenation

I've just returned from the state library conference. I really enjoy going to conference. Not just because I get to miss work for three days, but because it gives me an opportunity to learn about new things. It gets me excited about my job again. I hear speeches from some of the most creative people in my profession, and I get to meet a few of my favorite authors. I visit with vendors who may be able to provide products to make my job easier or more fun. My first TLA conference is where I fell in love with storytelling. I've even met Julie Andrews and gotten her to sign a book for me (For those of you who don't know, Julie Andrews has been a writer for quite a long time. She writes under the name, Julie Andrews Edwards).

I think it's important to take some time to rejuvenate yourself. The conference isn't always convenient and it can be expensive, but it is always worth it. I return home with a renewed sense of purpose. I feel excited not only about the current school year but about the next one also.

So if there is something you are passionate about, but are feeling a bit unmotivated or burned out, see if you can attend a conference or class. It may just rekindle the spark you are missing.

Day 90 - Gratitude Check

Ten more things I'm grateful for (we've almost made it to 100!)

81. library conferences
82. library friends who motivate and inspire me
83. SparkPeople - if you need motivation to improve your lifestyle, this is a great website. http://www.sparkpeople.com/
84. The Happiness Project - by Gretchen Rubin
85. Advance Reader Copies of books - getting to read books before anyone can buy them is fun
86. my parents
87. storytellers
88. fabric - so many fun patterns
89. Good movies
90. People who have the courage to just go for it.

Day 85 - Blessings

There are only fifteen more days to my challenge so I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane and write about some of my best memories.

1. Living in Germany - My dad was stationed in Germany when I was 18 months to 3 years old. I don't have any specific memories, but there are certain impressions that fill me with joy when I think about them. The little old lady who lived above us, that I called Ya-ya. I have warm thoughts about her. I think she would give me strawberries. There was also a swing that I loved. I remember ice and snow (which I have not had very much of in my life since then), and apparently I was so attached to my snow boots that I refused to wear anything else.


2. My Spring Show solo my senior year - It was a wonderful moment that I was so proud of. I felt loved, cherished, and important to all the people who had been important to me. I was able to communicate through dance all that I was feeling as a graduating senior. Excitement, sadness, hope, fear, and nostalgia. The applause and accolades at the end confirmed that the choices I had made as a growing woman were worth it and that I was respected by more people than I had ever thought possible.


3. Going to New Orleans - I still have so many fond memories of this trip. It was just my parents, my brother, and my friend. We had so much fun, and I got to experience so many new things.

4. My Wedding Day - I really did have a picture perfect wedding. Everything was fabulous, from the decorations that my family (mostly my mom) set up, to the dress, the cake, and the dancing. And we didn't even have alcohol! (at only 20 - I was underage)

5. The birth of my son - He was two weeks early and I drove all the way to Navasota to make sure all my dance team girls got to the game safely, then drove all the way to downtown Houston for the delivery. Holding him for the first time was magical.


6. The birth of my daughter - My daughter was five weeks early and I was worried about any complications she might have. Not only that, but we were supposed to move that weekend. I can't even explain the emotions that I had when I heard her cry for the first time. Amazingly, she had absolutely NO complications. She was and is a determined little girl.


7. Playing outside as a child - I was always outside when I was a kid. I would take my dolls on picnics, explore fantasy worlds, and hang out in my club under a huge oak tree.

8. Getting my first job as a librarian - I was't fully certified and I had already been through two interviews at this school. Then I had been told that I couldn't be hired because I didn't have my certification yet. When I went in for the third interview and then was told I had gotten the job, I was ecstatic. I will always be grateful to that principal for taking a chance on me.


There are so many more, but I don't have the room to write about every single happy memory that I have. The point is, I have been blessed in so many ways. Often, we get bogged down in the negativity and focus on the bad things that surround us. I will often find myself festering over an argument or put-down instead of focusing on the compliments and postive relationships that I have recieved. We as humans are very strange. I can remember almost every time someone has hurt my feelings, but I have a harder time recalling when someone has uplifted me. Crazy. By looking at these wonderful memories, it helps to remind me that I have a pretty fantastic life and allows me to more easily shut out the negativity that not only surrounds me, but is also in my head.

Cha Cha Challenge

Last year, a wonderful co-worker of mine taught me how to quilt. I had always wanted to learn, and was very excited to finally get started. Since then, I have made a few little projects; my first being a table runner. I am still very much a beginner, but I just love this new hobby. I love the fabrics and the patterns. I love cutting fabric into tiny pieces just to put them all back together again and new and amazing ways.

I am going to try my first quilt challenge. Nothing brings more joy than doing something you love. I am going to join the Cha Cha Challenge that is being put on by Stitchin' Heaven. Yippie! I can't wait to get started!

Day 80 - Gratitude Check

Ten more things I'm grateful for:



71. romance authors
72. cute summer dresses
73. Dressbarn - despite their name, their clothes are fantastic!
74. last-minute vacations
75. upcoming vacations - so much to look forward to
76. independent bookstores
77. independent shops of any kind - support your local businesses!
78. jewelry
79. Texas Library Association Annual Conference
80. my outdoor cats who love to sit with me in the gazebo

Day 76 - Opposites Attract

My husband made a comment the other night that I am making so many changes lately he just can't keep up with me. This was in response to my fortune cookie that said that I will make many changes before settling satisfactorily. At first I was a bit confused because I haven't REALLY made any changes in the past few months. When he elaborated on his comment, I realized that he was commenting on my daydreaming and not on anything that I had actually done. The only thing that I have actually changed recently is my attitude and my reaction to the things in my life. I haven't actually done ANY of the things he was talking about: having a third child, opening a bookstore, getting a new car, moving, or getting a tattoo. I've talked about them, I've considered them, but I haven't done any of them.

This just goes to show how different my husband and I are. I am a daydreamer. He is incredibly practical. He is about providing for his family and earning a paycheck. I am about inspiration and making a difference in the world. I don't know how he can stand his job, and he doesn't understand mine. We don't really share any interests or hobbies - he's into cars and Ghost Hunters, and watching television, while I'm into crafts such as sewing and stamping, reading, and avoiding the TV as much as possible. I'm a bit of a neat freak and he's a clutter bug (although he will deny it). I'm fairly quiet and reserved while he will make friends with the guy standing behind him at the post office.

Despite all this, I love him. I love his steadfastness and his desire to build a good life for his family. I love how he looks at me in a way that makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. When I want to try something new, he encourages me to reach for my dreams. I think that without him, my life would be emptier in ways that I can not even comprehend. He definitely is part of me now, and I could not imagine where my life would be without him.

But I strongly feel that having a husband does not necessarily make my life complete, and it does not define me as a person. As an avid reader of fairy tales and romance novels, I had always felt that once I was married and had kids my life would be a series of happily-ever-afters. But then I realized, having a husband didn't mean that I had someone who always understood me. Just because I had a husband didn't mean we were always partners. Having a husband doesn't make my life perfect, or easy, or better. The chicks in romance novels seemed to need nothing more than a man and sex. The chemistry was always there, they always adored their man, and their man always cherished them. Why wasn't my relationship like that? Duh - I realized that my life isn't a romance novel, and that real life and a real marriage are hard work. It takes constant compromise and negotiation. You have to work with another person without sacrificing your own happiness. In real life - there is no such thing as a happily-ever-after because life goes on and life will consist of a series of ups an downs. If you're lucky, it doesn't end for a very long time.

I determine my own happiness, and I cannot rely on others to make me happy. There is so much more to me than my marriage. My husband has a piece of my heart and soul, but he does not have all of it. My children have a part of it, my extended family has a part, my friends have a part, and there is even a small part that I keep for myself. I give some of myself to my job and the students that surround me and I give some of myself to my future dreams and goals. I am me - a little quirky and a little nerdy, but more than just one relationship. If I allow my marriage to consume me, then I am no longer myself, I am only us. If I focus all of my energy on only one aspect of my life, then all the others will whither from neglect. If I become only what my husband expects of me, then I am no longer who I was really meant to be. Knowing this, I feel that I am a better wife. I am not just a yes man for my husband, but a strong and independent woman that he can admire. I am a whole person, not his doormat. I am stronger and happier, and thus better able to communicate my needs as well as compromise without bearing any grudge. I am able to love with a complete and open heart, knowing that what we really have is more than just love. It is a true commitment, for better or worse and able to withstand whatever changes may come its way.

Day 71 - Laughter

It's time to laugh. Unfortunately, I'm not a naturally funny person. So you're going to have to go elsewhere to find your humor, but I'll give you some ideas...

Watch a movie - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation always makes me laugh.
Listen to a comedian - I enjoy Bill Engvall.
Watch TV - 30 Rock is one that I will actually TiVo and watch.
Read a book - Meg Cabot's Boy Meets Girl made me laugh out loud.
The internet - lol cats is a favorite website for a quick pick me up.
Hang out with people. I have never laughed so hard as I did last week with my book club.

So go on, find something to laugh about. It'll definitely change your day.

Day 70 - Gratitude Check!

Ten MORE things I'm grateful for:

61. Spring!
62. waterfalls - so soothing
63. my gazebo - LOVE sitting out there on a beautiful day
64. magazines - so much fun to read
65. change - we need change to grow
66. routine - we need this too
67. my wisteria blooming for the first time
68. dirt - even though I don't really like to garden, I do appreciate the earth!
69. fashion
70. online quilt shops

Day 64 - Back to the Rat Race

Well, the kids are back from their grandparents and we all head back to school tomorrow. Spring break was lovely, but now it's time to get back into our routine for 11 more weeks (but only 10 more Mondays). I'm determined to find the joy in each day and not let little things drag me down. Even if I hate being a part of the rat race, I have to look at the good things that surround me or I will never be happy.

Here are my resolutions for the rest of March:
1. Avoid people with drama. Talk only health, wealth, and happiness. Eeyore - stay outta my way!
2. Do something fun everyday.
3. Count my blessings every night.
4. Keep an open mind and allow the universe to make my dreams a reality.

Shouldn't be too hard, there's only about a week left in this month.

Day 63 - Letter to the Universe

The first rule of the Law of Attraction is that you have to ask for what you want. Here is my letter to the universe.

Dear Universe,

I would like the following:

1. For my family to remain healthy and to increase our healthiness through eating right and exercising together.
2. A Buick Enclave with sunroof and entertainment system.
3. More kindness in the world, and not just people to say they are kind, but for people to genuinely consider others before making a decision or saying something.
4. For people to be more careful when they are driving. Even the best of us forget that there are
human beings in the machines that surround us.
5. For Lynn's Little Book Shop (or Reader's Reservoir - can't make up my mind) to be so successful that I can quit my day job.
6. For Book Jubilee to be successful also. It's success is a step closer to my book shop.

Thank you,

Lynn

Alrighty then, now I just have to believe that it's gonna happen!

Day 62 - Going for It

A dream of mine has always been to own a cute little bookstore on the East Coast, preferably on an island. It's one of those dreams that you think about occasionally and think, "Gee that would be fun." But the reality is that I don't know anything about starting a business, nor do I live anywhere near the East Coast.

So I became a librarian.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a librarian. I feel truly blessed to have a job that I enjoy so much. However, being a bookstore owner still really appeals to me. For one, I'd be my own boss. I'd also be working with people who love to read versus forcing students to read when they hate it. If it were really successful, my husband could quit his job where he works crazy hours for a group of corporate people who care nothing about him. Not only that, but being a bookstore owner suits me. Getting to putter amongst the books without having to yell at students would be dreamy.

I have a vision for my store. It's not going to be just a shop that sells books. It will be a part of the community. I will participate in parades and events around the community. There will be events like story times, book clubs, and author visits. I will exchange used books for store credit. People won't just come for books, they will come for the atmosphere. It will be a community of it's own.

What a lovely dream...

but why does it have to be that way? (Well-other than my husband telling me I can't quit my day job) Why can't I start with something small and work my way up into having my own place? The bookstore doesn't have to be the beginning of my dream, it can be the realization of my dream. Something that I work toward a little at a time.

So I have set up a tiny shop on Amazon where I am selling some used books. I have a name that I love: The Reader's Reservoir. I'm working on some ideas for book themed events. I'm going for it. I'd rather say I tried and didn't like it, than to regret and wonder "what if".

Little Book Shop - here I come!

Day 61 - The Eeyore Syndrome

Pretty much everyone I know loves Winnie-the-Pooh. A.A. Milne created a special world of childish innocence that Disney took to a whole new level of saccharine. I really love the sweet cluelessness of Pooh Bear and the pure innocence of Piglet. What I have never cared for is Eeyore. His unending negativity has always gotten on my nerves. I could never understand how everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood tolerated his endless gloom.

Unfortunately, I have known several Eeyore's in my life. These are the people who walk around with a perpetual cloud over their head. They are the victims of everything: life, circumstance, and their own choices (which they never take responsibility for). They definitely see the glass as half-empty, if they can even see the glass at all through their self-absorption. No matter what the occasion, their conversations are always about them and their latest problems.

It seems that Eeyore's sole purpose is to bring everyone else down. He starts every interaction with an "Oh dear," followed by his latest complaint. The thing about Eeyore though, is that he isn't hateful. He isn't the type of person that we avoid just to save ourselves. Instead, he is the type that will slowly spiral into despair, dragging anyone down who feels mildly sympathetic. When we first meet Eeyore, we think we can help cheer him up by just listening or being cheerful. Unfortunately, Eeyore does not want to be cheered up. He thrives on the sympathy and attention that his sorry life brings, and he will continue to invent new sob stories to share with anyone who will listen.

The problem with Eeyore is that his constant steam of negativity can be very draining on a person that is trying to find joy in the world. "Oh dear, I've lost my tail." "Oh, dear, nobody loves me." "Oh dear, why does it always have to rain when I'm planning a picnic?" Not only that, but on some occasions, when you try to point out the positive things that surround them, they suddenly kick at you like a mule. "What do you know about it?" is a typical response. The fact is, they don't want your help, they just want your sympathy. Of course, when you are tired of listening to Eeyore and have been kicked for trying to help, your mood spirals into one of anger and frustration, leading your further from the path of happiness.

So what do you do? Cut the ties. Nothing says you have to listen. From this point on, I am done with Eeyore. I have enough in my life without letting others drag me down. If you need a sympathetic ear for a situation, I'm your gal, but if you just want to go on and on about how your life sucks, save it for someone else. I want to attract positive energy, and I need to surround myself with positive energy. On the same note, I will not let myself be an Eeyore either. There are so many good things to think about, and I don't have time to worry about my tail. ;-)

Day 60 - Gratitude Check!

10 MORE things I'm gratful for:

51. Days at the park
52. A clean house that I didn't have to clean
53. The health of my family
54. Random conversations with my kids
55. Watching my daughter skip
56. Seeing my son laugh
57. Flip-flops
58. Massages
59. Cute new sandals
60. My little black dress!

There is so much to be grateful for. What a fantastic life I have!

Day 53 - The Secret

I feel good! You know why? Because I decided that enough was enough - if I'm supposed to be more joyful, then I need to stop wallowing and start being joyful. Bottom line - life isn't perfect and the people who surround me will not act the way I feel they should. I need to get over myself and change the way I think. In order to help me with this, I re-watched The Secret. I was first introduced to The Secret in January 2009. The Secret explains the Law of Attraction and how our thoughts attract things into our lives. So if we are always negative, then we attract negativity. If we are positive, we attract positivity. It's a fascinating concept and watching the video makes me feel that anything is possible.

Here are just a few things I learned:

1. In order to live a more abundant life, I simply have to follow these three steps:
Step 1 - Ask
Step 2 - Believe
Step 3 - Receive
The universe WILL bring me what I want, but I have to truly believe that it is possible. Any thought, negative or positive, will actualize into my life. If I constantly think about debt, the universe will bring me more debt. If I think about about love, it will bring me more love.

2. Appreciation brings support. - Being grateful for what you have will bring more abundance into your life. If you want nicer clothes, you have to the grateful for the clothes you have first. If you want people to support you, you must be grateful for the support they have already given you.

3. When you visualize, then you materialize. - Visualize the things you want. Actually picture yourself driving the new car or wearing the fancy clothes.

4. How can you expect anyone to enjoy your company when you don't enjoy your own company? - enough said.

5. Focus on what you appreciate about other people. - If someone is getting on your nerves, think about all the things you enjoy about them and write them down. Focus on them. Eventually, the negative feelings will dissolve.

6. Only one person can be in charge of your joy, and that's you. Your joy lies within you. - The point of this whole blog, finding the joy within myself. You are responsible for your own happiness, you shouldn't expect others to make you happy.

7. Being angry at something adds energy to it. "What you resist, persists." - Instead of being anti-war, be pro-peace.

8. Energy flows where attention goes. - If you are angry or upset about something all of your energy goes toward that object and brings more of it into your life. Focus your attention on the things you want more of. If you want more happiness, focus on being happy.

The Secret left me with this question: What are you going to do now? What are you going to choose now? Well, I choose joy. I choose to focus on writing about things that make me happy. I choose to focus on the smiles of my children and the love of my husband. I choose my friends and evenings filled with laughter. I choose to FEEL GOOD!

Here's a great quote that sums it all up:
"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." - Henry Ford

And you absolutely must check out The Secret's website: http://www.thesecret.tv/

Day 52 - Truth and Little White Lies

Today I was honest.

Unfortunately, people don't appreciate it when you are honest.

Then again, I wasn't kind.

People really don't appreciate it when you are both honest and unkind.

But seriously, you can only bite your tongue for so long before it begins to bleed.

I've always wished I was better at confrontation. I tend to back away and smooth over any type of argument. I think that this is a very unhealthy habit. For one thing, I go around being angry while the person I'm annoyed with thinks everything is great, or worse - thinks that I approve.
Not that they need my approval, but shouldn't they know what I truly think? I mean, a real friend will tell you that yes, that dress does make your butt look big. At least, the friends that I value the most would. Who wants someone around who just tells you what you want to hear and then lets you make a fool of yourself?

Do I feel bad about being honest and unkind? Unkind - yes. Honest - no. Not to make an excuse, but all my buttons have been pushed and I am a stick of dynamite ready do explode. Ok, that's an excuse, but can I help it if a little steam escaped? Well, maybe I could have, but there's no point in crying over spilled milk. It is what it is. I'm not perfect and I'll make mistakes. Time to move on...

48 days to go.

Day 50 - Gratitude check

41. great teachers who work hard to reach their students
42. administrators that "get it"
43. quiet
44. girls night out
45. laughter
46. white fluffy clouds
47. puppies
48. Sandra Bullock winning the Oscar
49. great movies
50. having a fridge in my office

Day 48 - Denial

Sorry I haven't been writing, but I've been in denial for the last few days. The fact is, I've been pushing myself to find the joy around me, while ignoring the fact that I am basically feeling pretty blue.


As I've gone about my day, laughing and smiling, in the background of my mind is a lurking cloud of resentment, disappointment, and sadness. I don't know what to do about this cloud, so I've been trying to ignore it. In order to do that properly, I've had to fill my days and my mind with other things so I don't have to confront it. I haven't allowed myself much time for contemplation, because to do so might allow the cloud to swallow me up.


So I've been reading Gretchen Rubin's blog and doing other joyful things, while not really feeling joyful in my heart. "Fake it till you make it" is something we used to always say in dance team when we were struggling (although I know we did not invent this term). So I've been trying to "fake it till I make it" with my happiness. Which doesn't really work. Which only makes the cloud darken and grow. Which makes me feel even more unhappy than before, despite my appearance of happiness.


Let's see, in the past few days I've had a book club meeting, a night out with the girls, and dinner with my brother and his family. I spent time in creative solitude crafting and sewing. My daughter and I had a girls day with a tea party and shopping. My house is in order, my kids mostly listen, and I have managed to keep up with all the demands on my time. Nothing has worked. I can still feel the cloud hanging around in the background.

What to do, what to do...

Days 38-40 Gratitude Check

10 MORE things I'm grateful for:

31. my friends
32. snow - we actually got some this year!
33. salt & vinegar potato chips
34. girl scout cookies
35. connecting with a student
36. hearing a student say "I loved this book"
37. hearing a student say "the book was way better than the movie"
38. when my kids are excited about driving because they can't wait to hear the next part of Harry Potter
39. reading together with my kids
40. Dr. Seuss a.k.a. Theodore Suess Geisel

Days 32-37 - Life Takes Over

I'm sorry I haven't written lately, but life took over last week, and I hardly had a spare moment to breathe, much less write. Usually, when I find myself in a week like that, I begin to feel resentful and put-upon, but this time I found myself randomly laughing or smiling, even at my most exhausted.

I think I am really getting there. I think I am finally finding peace with my life. My kids and I are in harmony. We work together to make things happen and we help each other out. I don't feel resentful that my husband isn't always around. I just get on with my life and enjoy the time with my kids. Instead of feeling frustrated by my job, I realize that it truly is where I belong.

My life isn't perfect, but I'm beginning to find joy even in the moments that are imperfect. Hallelujah!

Day 31 - The Happiness Project

Check out Gretchen Rubin's blog:

http://www.happiness-project.com/

Very inspirational.

Day 30 - Gratitude check

It's day 30! Time for a gratitude check!


21. LOVE!
22. Michael Buble
23. sunshine
24. my pool
25. days when it is warm enough to sit outside
26. pizza
27. my truck
28. cookies
29. warm, fuzzy blankets
30. spring break

Day 28 & 29 - All You Need is Love

Happy Valentine's Day! I used to really hate Valentine's Day. Part of it could have been jealousy. My parents and boyfriends didn't turn it into some wild extravaganza. There were always the predictable token gestures, but nothing wildly romantic. I also felt that you should be showing your love for someone every day of the year - not just when commercialism tells you to. You know, the typical intellectual response for someone who just doesn't want to be disappointed.

But I love romance. I love surprises. I love presents. So why shouldn't I celebrate this day? Why should I let my sweetie off easy? We should do something for each other. Not to prove we love each other, but just because we do. I mean, I expect a token of affection for my birthday, why not for Valentine's day?

If you don't have a significant other the celebrate V-Day with, you can still celebrate it. Share it with your children, your friends, your pets. Whatever! Just bask in the glow of those who love you. Heck, celebrate yourself. Who says you can't buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers and give it to yourself? You're special and it's important that you recognize it. Better yet, write a letter to yourself talking about all the things you love about yourself.

Here's mine:

Dear Lynn,

You have had an amazing year. You are definitely carving a place for yourself and your profession in your new school. Everyone is so impressed with the work that you do. You are super smart. It amazes me that you know how to find so much information on almost any subject. You are such a kind and caring person. And your students are learning about making a difference in the world because you are teaching them about compassion and how to appreciate all the wonderful things they have. The Pennies for Peace campaign exceeded all your expectations and that is because you really are making a difference.

You are a wonderful mom and wife. Trying to juggle your needs with those of your family is always hard, but you manage to do it without sacrificing who you are.

Lynn, you are a phenomenal woman. I know you are going to continue to accomplish great things.

Love, Lynn

Day 27 - Great Quotes

Here are some of my favorite quotes:


"Most people are only as happy as they make up their minds to be." ~ Abraham Lincoln


“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ~ Thomas A. Edison

"All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There is no such thing as the pursuit of happiness, but there is the discovery of joy." ~ Joyce Grenfell

"If you want to be happy, be." ~Leo Tolstoy

"Talk happiness. The world is sad enough without your woe. No path is wholly rough." ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Far away there is the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." ~ Louisa May Alcott

Days 23, 24, 25, & 26

Blah.

Is anyone even reading this?

Then again, what should it matter? I'm supposed to be doing this for myself, not for others.

Haven't felt much joy lately. Frustration with my job, annoyed with ignorant people, sick of crazy drivers who will one day kill me and my kids, blah, blah, blah.

Good things right now:
1. I have a job
2. I have a house
3. I have a car
4. I'm going to San Antonio in April
5. I'm going to Washington DC in June
6. I'm going to a Michael Buble concert in July

Lot's to look forward to, but each day is a blur of normality and routine. blah

Day 22 - Winners and Losers

Right now the people of New Orleans are feeling really good, while the people of Indianapolis are not. For me, I would have to say I'm in the latter category since I was rooting for the Saints to win the Super Bowl. My dad has always been a fan and my friend Darla is a huge fan that kept us updated on the season whether we wanted to know about it or not.

It's a really good feeling to win. Even vicariously through a group of people you hardly know. Isn't it amazing how easily our emotions are affected by the successes and failures of a team we've taken on as our own? I wonder if all the positive energy really makes a difference? I know the other team is rooting equally hard for their team to be victorious, but what if your team just has a little more energy behind it? A lot is based on skill, but some things are really left to chance, luck, fate, or whatever you wish to call it. What if that is affected by the fans? Can positive fans push a team to the top? Hmmm...I think I'm thinking too hard.

Anyway - I'm finding great joy in the Saint's victory. What a wonderful thing for a city that has been through so much.

Day 21 - Make a Positive Impact

I just finished How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath and Donald D. Clifton. It is a very inspiring read and gives some very scientific evidence on how positive attitudes make a significant difference everywhere, especially in the workplace and at home. It really makes you wonder why more corporate executives (or school administrators) haven't tried this approach. Instead of focusing on the weaknesses of their employees, Rath suggests that managers need to focus on the strengths of their employees in order to increase productivity.

I decided to go to the companion website and take the positive impact test. This test shows how much of a positive impact your attitude has on those around you. On a scale of 1-100, I only scored a 14!!! WOW! What a wake-up call. I really need to change how I interact with people and make sure that I'm not dipping into buckets. I have to say, I'm pretty disappointed with myself. I really thought I was more of a bucket filler than that, but it goes to show that we are not always as good as we perceive ourselves to be.

Go to www.bucketbook.com and take the positive impact test to see if you're a bucket dipper or filler...

Day 20 - Gratitude Check!!!

It's day 20! Time to come up with 10 more things that I'm grateful for...

11. when my cat snuggles with me
12. a cold front (I like winter)
13. the internet
14. books
15. diet dr. pepper
16. diet coke with vanilla from Sonic
17. Sonic :-)
18. movie theater popcorn
19. mexican food
20. pedicures

Day 19 - Anticipation

Don't you just love it when you have something to look forward to? Even if it's far away, don't you get a little thrill of joy every time you think about it? It could be anything: getting to see your sweetheart, a night out with the girls, a trip to Disney World, or getting to watch your favorite TV show.

A key component to my depression was that I felt like I had nothing to look forward to. One part of the problem was that I was expecting for things to happen to me. Instead, I learned that I had to schedule things to look forward to because they don't just fall into your lap (I know - that's not a huge revelation for most people, but it was for me). The other part of my problem was that I wanted fantastic things to look forward to. Things like trips to Italy. Things that we couldn't afford. So I would get discouraged and depressed, and feel like my life was terrible because I couldn't do the things I wanted to do. Silly me, I had forgotten to look at all the small things that I could do.

Tomorrow I'm taking the kids to the movies, and I'm really looking forward to it. It's a small thing, but it is something out of the ordinary. We're going right after I get off from work. Just thinking about it makes my day seem brighter because I'm going to do something I enjoy with people I love.

I'll get to Italy eventually. For now, I'm going to enjoy anticipating the small things in life.

Day 17 - Random Moments of Joy

Today while driving home from work, I noticed something that made me laugh out loud. While waiting at a stop light, I noticed the man in front of me bobbing his head and waving his arms around to the beat of his music. Just seeing him have so much joy in such a random place made my day.

Don't you just love those moments? When a sudden feeling of happiness hits you so suddenly that you just have to laugh out loud? They aren't necessarily funny or comic moments, they are just moments that are so filled with happiness that you can't help but smile. You can't help but rejoice in the joy that is surrounding you.

Keep the joy going. Post some comments about moments of joy where you just had to laugh out loud.

Day 18 - Kindness

I'm beginning to feel like kindness is becoming extinct in our world. Think about it. How often do you see someone doing something kind for someone else? How often do you see someone doing something hurtful to someone else? Look at the trends on TV - more and more shows are popping up (espcially reality shows) where the characters thrive on being ugly to each other. We, as an audience, thrive on watching them be ugly to each other. Popular culture has become all about put-downs and one-upping another person. Now, there may be times when feelings of anger are justified, but it seems that our culture thrives on the negative treatment of others.


At what point will it stop?


With me, it stops right now. If there is a car waiting to merge, I'm going to let it in. If someone is behind me in line, I'm going to let them go ahead of me. If I'm in a drive-thru, I may even pay for the person behind me. Why not? Bringing a little random joy to others is the way to bring joy to myself.


I'm also going to have zero tolerance for unkind people. If you want to be rude, don't do it around me. I refuse to watch any TV that doesn't make me feel good about myself or the human race (not too hard since I hardly watch TV at all). I will defend those that aren't around to defend themselves. I will only surround myself with kind thoughts.


Now, I'm not saying that I plan to bury my head in the sand and pretend that there isn't any ugliness in this world. I know there are a lot of mean people out there who don't care anything about hurting others. What I'm saying is that I plan to battle the unkindness that surrounds me. Trust me, this is no easy task. I work with 10 to 13 year olds, a group that notoriously known for their bullying. But I'm done - I'm with Thumper's mama on this one (from Bambi), "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Here's your challenge - compliment someone today that you normally wouldn't talk to.

Day 16 - I Think, Therefore I Am...

Hmmm, it's only day 16 and I've run out of things to write about. Maybe I'm just thinking about this too much. I'm supposed to be bringing joy into my life, not creating another thing on my to do list.

Do you ever wonder if we would find more joy if we just allowed ourselves to think less? Instead of worrying about all the things that need to get done in the evenings, wouldn't it be better if I just enjoyed the moments with my family? Instead of over-analyzing every situation, wouldn't it be better if I just relaxed and accepted it for what it is?

On a daily basis, I should just enjoy the blessings that my job brings me instead of always feeling like I have to do more or make things better. If I am reaching one student, why do I feel that I have to reach them all?

There are many fantastic, wonderful, super things about my life that I take for granted because I always feel that I should be pushing for more.

Including myself. Instead of always trying to be something more, I think I would find more joy if I could accept myself as I am. I am steady, dependable, kind, trustworthy, and introverted. Why have I always chaffed at those aspects of myself and labeled the being that is me as boring? WHY? There's nothing wrong with any of those qualities - and they aren't the whole picture of who I am.

I AM.

That's it - just me. I don't have to think - the energy that is me exists whether I think or not.

I AM and I AM GOOD. :-D

Day 15 - Great Expectations

I have very high expectations for myself, my kids, and my husband. Actually I have high expectations for everything in my life. Lately I have been suffering from a dilemma. Often, having high expectations means being disappointed when you or those around you don't meet them. So is it better to keep those expectations or should they be lowered?

I don't think my expectations are unreasonable. Is is unreasonable to expect my kids who are 8 & 11 to clean up after themselves and leave the common areas of the house looking neat? Is it unreasonable to expect my husband to do the dishes without my having to ask? These seem like such small things to expect. Now I know that many of you ladies are thinking that we all want that from our husbands, but they just aren't wired to do it. Really? That's a reason? To be honest, the reason that I expect it is because my husband is really a great guy. He isn't the kind to think the "little woman" should do all the housework, he really does his share. But he doesn't usually do it unless I ask or put it on his to do list, which always makes me feel like a nag.

I expect my husband to be romantic because sometimes he is. Then sometimes he does things like getting me absolutely nothing for our anniversary - not even a card. When he does stuff like that I feel a crushing disappointment because I was expecting something to recognize our special day. So do I lower my expectations in order to avoid disappointment? Should I expect nothing and then be surprised and pleased when he gets me a card?

You see, I'm really struggling with this. Should I lower my expectations and be grateful for what I have, essentially settling for less, or should I keep my expectations high and demand better?

I know this post isn't very joyful. We all have our down days and as I've mentioned before, it's okay. I'll do better tomorrow.

Day 14 - Music Lifts the Soul

So I am late (again) with my post because I spent all night working on the playlists for my iPhone. I got a new computer a few weeks back, and had to transfer my music over and create new playlists. I can't believe how much time I spent creating playlists, but it really made me happy. Here are some great songs that will make you feel like dancing and smiling. (Warning: they are not all PG rated)

It's a Great Day - Travis Tritt
Yeah - Usher
Attitude - Wynona Judd
The Power - Snap!
The Way You Make Me Feel - Michael Jackson
Flashdance - Irene Cara
Gonna Make You Sweat - C+C Music Factory
Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees
I'm Every Woman - Chaka Khan
Wipeout - from Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
I Like it Like That - Tito Nieves
Boogie Shoes - KC and the Sunshine Band

Feel free to comment and add songs that lift you up!

Day 13 - How Full is Your Bucket?

So I am a day late again because I was out late last night with my ladies group. It was supposed to be our book club meeting, but we usually don't spend much time talking about the book. Instead we share stories about our lives, cheer each other's accomplishments, and support those that are having difficult times. Even though we don't follow a traditional book club format, I love these meetings. They are always bucket-filling.

Not sure what that means? I'm not sure who started it, but the concept is that we all walk around with an invisible bucket and dipper. When we are surrounded by positive energy, our bucket fills up. When we are exposed to negativity, our bucket is emptied. Positive people are bucket fillers, and negative people are bucket dippers. What is even more interesting, is that when you dip into some one's bucket with a negative emotion, you also dip into your own, but when you fill some one's bucket you fill your own. The idea is that positive energy breeds positive energy and negative energy breeds negative energy. There are several books about it. I'm reading How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath, but a great kids book is Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud. My daughter's counselor read it to her and it had such an impact on her that I had to read it myself.

It's pretty easy to be a bucket filler. Kindness is the main key. By being kind to people and authentically acknowledging their strengths with compliments will fill their buckets. However, it's not so easy to keep from being a bucket dipper. You have to be conscious of everything you say and do. Unkind words, impatient words, and negativity can empty a person's bucket.

My husband fills my bucket when he does little things around the house without my asking for it. He empties my bucket when he chooses work over family time. I fill my kids buckets when I compliment them. I dip into their buckets when I am impatient with them. Unfortunately, my family seems to have an even ratio of bucket filling and dipping, when you should actually have a ratio of 5 positives to every one negative.

To bring myself and my family more joy, I am pledging to start filling more buckets. It is so easy for us to nitpick and point out the things that aren't working, but I am resolving to end that horrible cycle. I plan to make a conscious effort to dole out more compliments and focus on all the good things that my family brings to me.

Have you filled a bucket today?

Day 12 - Time for Rest

I am late posting my day 12 blog because I took a nap yesterday. It was a wonderful luxury. Every once in a while, I need to do something to rejuvenate my energy, and a nap was just the ticket. Fortunately, my kids are at an age where they do not constantly need my supervision, so I can nap in peace (although a part of me can still hear them).

I don't have much to say about my nap. I highly recommend that everyone take a nap when they are feeling a bit blah. I woke up feeling a bit more refreshed and ready to deal with the daily issues of life.

So take a moment for yourself this week. Don't feel guilt about it. Relax. Enjoy. Rejuvenate.

Day 11 - God Bless America

This week I have been reading the book The Librarian of Basra to my students. It is based on a true story about Alia Muhammad Baker, a librarian in Basra, Iraq who saved the library books from being destroyed by the war. It is an inspirational story, and my students are amazed at the bravery of this one librarian. We calculated that if she had used backpacks to transport all the books of the library, she would have needed 3,750 backpacks!

As I read this book and discuss it with my students, I can't help but feel grateful that I live in America. Not everything is perfect, but I have so many more advantages here than I would have had in other countries. As a woman in America, my opportunities are limitless. In America, your dreams can come true if you are willing to work hard enough. Our government is a true democracy, where we actually vote for the leaders of our country without fear. Most of us live very comfortable lives, with houses to shelter us and enough food to eat. We have clean water with just the turn of a handle. There are so many great things about my country, and I'm proud to be an American.

Day 10 - An Attitude of Gratitude

It's day 10 of my 100 days of joy and I'm going to count my blessings. 10 things that I'm grateful for:

1. My husband
2. My son
3. My daughter
4. My family
5. A healthy body
6. Sunny days with blue skies
7. Moonlight
8. A job that is fulfilling and rewarding
9. Trees - for both their beauty and the oxygen they give us
10. Chocolate

What 10 things are you grateful for?

Day 9 - Angels

I have always loved the TV show Touched by an Angel. Lately, the Hallmark channel has been playing three episodes a night and I have become obsessed. I am not an overly religious person, but I would like to believe that there are angels walking amongst us humans. Isn't it a lovely thought? No matter what you believe, the idea that humans are so precious to the creator that he sends angels to help them makes me feel cherished.

I love the overlying message in Touched by an Angel. God created you. God loves you. You are special and beloved. I just can't seem to get enough of hearing that. What a beautiful thing to hear, even if it is just actors on TV. I think we as humans should say it more often to each other.

I believe that there is something out there that we as humans will never understand or comprehend. Whether it is God, or Allah, or just the Universe, there is something that is bigger than our human brains can ever comprehend. Look at the beauty that surrounds you. I know that scientists feel they can explain everything away, and break it down to the smallest atom, but I think it is so much more than just atoms and particles. There is a life force in every living creature that goes beyong our understanding. What a spectacular thing the earth and its creatures are. And the idea of angels walking among us is just a bonus to add to the beauty that we can see.


So go with God (or Allah, or whatever you believe in) and peace be with you.

Day 8 - Thank Heaven for Little Girls

My daughter gives me great joy. In the days of Bratz dolls and girls growing up way too early, she has remained sweetly innocent. She is only eight, and I rejoice in the fact that the world of make-believe is still one of her favorite places to hang out. When I grounded her from the TV, she just made her own and pretended to "watch" movies. The other night, she decided that we needed to eat in the dining room so all of her ten children (her baby dolls) could eat with us. I am constantly amazed by her imagination and creativity. There is no point in organizing her room, because she just doesn't see thing the way I do. I would put all the alike toys together: Barbies in one box, Polly Pockets is another. But she is constantly mixing toys to fit whatever game she is playing in combinations I would never have thought of myself.

I hope that she is able to hang onto her creativity. She wants to be an artist when she grows up, and while she may be one of those abstract ones where no one really understands her work, I want her to keep her childish hopes and dreams. I want her to always feel the same confidence in her creativity that she feels right now. I love to watch her skip around; a happy bundle of energy. I get joy from hearing her while she plays with her toys.

I know the day will come when she's more interested in boys, clothes, and make-up than barbies, baby dolls, and tea parties. For now, I will savor the moments of sweetness and innocence while I have them. Hopefully, she won't feel the need to move on too quickly.

Day 7 - Thank a Teacher

I know it sounds cliched, but if you can read this, you REALLY should thank a teacher. Where would you be today if you didn't have teachers? Now, I know they didn't all make an impact, but somewhere in your life a teacher made a difference, even if it was just teaching you to read.

I have been an official teacher for 11 years, although I started teaching before I was out of college, so I have unofficially been in the education business for 12 1/2 years. Being a teacher was all I ever wanted to do. When I was a kid, I would make monthly bulletin boards. Since I didn't have access to the cool letters that teachers had, I made my own. (I also had my own library, but that's a story for another day.) My poor baby dolls had homework and my brother got to the point where he wouldn't play school with me anymore because I took it too seriously.

For the first 9 1/2 years of my career, I worked in high schools. I taught English, dance, and drill team (for those of you not from Texas, that is not ROTC, it is dance team). While there were some moments of satisfaction, I found it to be incredibly draining. I became a teacher to make a difference, and it seemed that by the time the students made it to me, they were already done. I think it takes an incredibly special person to really reach teenagers, and I just didn't think I was one of them. So I became a librarian and moved to elementary school kids. Wow! What a difference. For most elementary aged children, you are a god. Everything about you is magical and fantastic. Kindergarten students are so precious as they look at you with wonder in their eyes when you read to them. Second graders are amazed at how the moon moves around the earth. They tell you silly jokes, they laugh at your poor puppeteering, and they are completely honest (much to my amusement and chagrin). But I noticed that as they got older, the joy of learning left them to be replaced by eye-rolling and constant streams of "this is boring". So I stepped up to the challenge and moved up to intermediate school. 5th and 6th graders. Beautiful children who are caught between being a child and being a teenager. Smart kids who have decided that learning is too much effort and now do as little as possible. Funny kids who have a wicked sense of humor yet can be easily injured with just a word. The hormones and emotions that surround me on a daily basis could take down a lesser person, but I and my co-workers persevere. We cajole, we threaten, we bribe. We take classes that teach us how to teach better. We spend our own money so students can have the supplies they need. We mentor. We tutor. We try to find a way to reach every student - even those that are the exact opposite of us and thus the ones we understand the least.

I am proud to be a teacher. Despite what people may say or think, I believe that teachers are the ones who make the greatest impact on society. We see the future every day. We often work alone, with minimal pay, no gratitude, and constant sneers at our profession in order to make the future citizens of our country into responsible, caring, and intelligent individuals. As far as intelligent, I don't mean that all our students will be Einsteins or even college educated, but our hope is that they will have the ability to look at the world around them, gather information, and make compassionate and informed choices. Instead of just accepting what is told to them, we hope that our students will have the ability to use their cognitive abilities to form their own opinions. Ignorance breeds hatred and we as teachers fight that ignorance every day.

While public education may not be perfect, it does give opportunities to those that may not have them otherwise. Where would Oprah be without public education? Where would you be? If you're going to claim that you were home schooled, or that someone else taught you more that school ever did, I want you to consider this: where did your parents get their education? We can hammer public schools all we want, but the fact is that they are filled with many hard-working people that truly want to make a difference in a child's life. Instead of putting it down, consider the blessings that public education has brought to our country.

So, I'll get of my soap box now. But I really am serious. Think of a teacher that really made an impact on you and send them a little note letting them know. It really makes a difference to know that all our hard work really did make a difference. Unlike architects or surgeons or lawyers, we rarely get to see the end result of our efforts. Go on, send a note. You'd be surprised at how much joy it will bring both you and the recipient.

Day 6 - The Blues

Yes - I know this is a day late. Boot camp yesterday totally kicked my hiney and I didn't even have the strength to type on my little laptop. *sigh*

Yesterday, I felt a little blue. I tried to fight it the best I could. Looking at the many blessings in my life. Taking deep breaths. Smiling every time I looked at my non-existent watch. But the fact is, everyone is going to have the blues every now and then, even if you are dedicated to being positive and happy. I have learned the hard way that ignoring your true feelings can seriously backfire on you. Ignoring things does not make them go away, it just makes them fester until you either explode or collapse in a useless puddle of snotty tears.

However, I have also learned that you not only need to acknowledge your true feelings, you also need to understand what they are really about. Sometimes when we are sad and angry, we will take it out on whatever is handy instead of confronting what we really feel or who we are really upset with. While it may be easier to act like you're really upset with the fact that your husband doesn't pick up his socks, you really should confront the fact that you had a lousy and disappointing day at work.

Sometimes we have the blues for no reason at all. It could be chemical, hormonal, or the weather. It is okay to feel this way, but try not to take it out on other people. And try to find ways to make yourself feel better. Maybe you just need a moment to soak up some sunshine. Listen to some music. Take a few deep breaths. Accept that you're feeling blue and be okay with it. But for God's sake, don't wallow in it and bring everyone else down.

As for me, there were a few reasons I was feeling blue. One reason was that it's just that time of month. I always feel a little down the week before "Aunt Flo" visits. Another reason was that I was feeling insignificant. I had to remind myself that I really do matter to the people that matter. The final reason for my blues was that I don't feel that I'm getting enough quality time with my husband. His job is a bit detrimental to our relationship, but I have to accept it for what it is, and find joy in the times we get to be together. So while I couldn't really shake the blues, I could at least identify where they were coming from and move on with my day. It's easy to do once you realize that the blessings in life far outweigh the things that bring you down.

By the way, while I was being tortured during boot camp, I did take the time to admire the beautiful blue sky. It took my mind off the pain ;-)

Day 5 - Time

Today I did something that I would never have done willingly in the past. I went to work without a watch. Now, I know that many of you are wondering what the big deal is, but I am (or was) a very Type-A person. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am super efficient. I am constantly aware of the time. Constantly processing where I need to be, what I need to do, how I can accomplish everything in a short amount of time.


Well, in order to find more joy, I have to relax. I've decided to start small. I'm going without a watch for a while. I think I'll accessorize with cute bracelets instead. Every time I see the bracelet instead of the watch, I'll smile - whether I feel like it or not, because I believe that if you force your mouth into an upward shape, you'll trick yourself into feeling better.


You know, time is a funny thing. When you're having fun, it seems like there isn't enough time. When you're doing something you don't enjoy, time drags. Try administering the TAKS test, where all you can do is stare at students while they take a test that is not timed. They can take all the time they want, while all you can do is watch. (I'm telling you, that is what I think hell would be like.) On the same note, Sunday afternoons rush by in the blink of an eye.


So how did I feel without my watch? Well, not really all that different. After all, I was at work and I was surrounded by clocks. But I did smile every time I looked at my wrist. We'll see how this experiment goes. Even watching students test has got to have it's blessings. Time is precious, and instead of counting the minutes, I plan to savor the moments.

A little poem from Robert Herrick, that was featured in one of my favorite movies: Dead Poet's Society.

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best, which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having once but lost your prime,
You may for ever tarry.

Until tomorrow ~ Carpe Diem!

Day 4 - I Celebrate Myself

We as humans (especially women) are constantly critiquing our bodies. Our hips are too wide, our buns are too big, our arms flap when we wave. Everyone has a list of things that they hate about their body. For some of us, the list could fill a book.

Well, I am here to tell you to STOP. The fact is, no one is perfect. And the idea of the perfect body is in the eye of the beholder. There was a time when more rotund women were considered sexier than their skinny counterparts because they were perceived as healthier and therefore more fertile. Now I am not saying that we all need to be overweight, because carrying too much weight is not good for your health. You need to find a weight that is healthy for you, and while it may not make you look like the ideal supermodel, accept it for what it is and be grateful for all it does for you.

You see, my body is far from perfect, but I am blessed by it in so many ways. Unlike many people, I have two legs that carry me where I want to go and two arms that can hold my children. Through my body I am able to feel the softness of my cat and hear the laughter of my daughter. My body holds my heart which pumps blood throughout my veins. When you really think about it, the body is a remarkable thing. Think of how all the tiny things work together just so you can breathe. So while you may not have the "ideal" look, you are still fantastic - a walking, breathing, vibrant miracle.

So your next joyful challenge is to follow the advice of one of my favorite dancer/choreographer's: "The next time you look into the mirror, just look at the way the ears rest next to the head; look at the way the hairline grows; think of all the little bones in your wrist. It is a miracle." - Martha Graham

As for the title of my blog today, it is from Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself". He's one of my favorite poets. Random fact, at one point Walt's poetry was considered vulgar and pornographic.

So with that thought, I'll leave you for today. And remember - be grateful for your body. It may not look perfect, but it still brings you great joy.

Day 3 - Sunlight and Moonbeams

One of my favorite things to do is to sit outside and watch the sunlight though the trees. I find it incredibly calming to see the breeze ruffle the leaves while the sunlight filters through them. There is something incredibly beautiful about trees, the strong trunk lifting and rising, slowly tapering to the delicate leaves. Even in the fall, I love to crunch the leaves under my feet and inhale the woodsy scent. Just looking out a window at a beautiful tree gives me a thrill of joy.

But I digress, this post is about the joy of sunlight, and isn't sunlight a wondrous thing? It is amazing how the mood will automatically lift when the sun finally peeks out from behind the clouds after days of rain. My husband cannot tolerate going without the sun. He becomes cranky and depressed if he doesn't see the sun after several days. The sun is our constant companion, yet we hardly take the time to really notice it. Take a look at the wonder that surrounds you.



As for the moonbeams, they're a little hard to see right now. The moon is only a tiny sliver of a crescent. But when the moon is full and it's light shines on the earth, it can be magical.


So here is your first challenge - and mine too - spend 15 minutes just soaking up the sun tomorrow (unless it rains - then you have to do it on the next sunny day). Release all thoughts, worries, and tensions from your mind and just BE. Breathe. Examine the wonder and beauty that surrounds you. Smile and let the joy fill your heart. Do it again that night when the moon is out. Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Day 2 - Lazy Days Without Guilt

Today I had the day off and I did absolutely nothing. I stayed in my PJ's until noon, read a magazine, and took a nap. Now I typically would feel guilty for wasting a day like this, but part of finding the joy in my life is to also recognize the joy of doing nothing. It's okay to to just BE and not always DO. Of course, I have found that you do have to be careful with this because the desire to NEVER do anything can be a sign of depression. But that's not what today was about. It wasn't that I didn't have any desire to do anything, I just felt that since I'd been given the gift of an extra day off, that I should spend it in the way my body most needed, and it seemed that my body most needed rest. My mind needed time to just chill without the constant to do list that typically runs in the background. The laundry was done, the house was clean, why not sit back and enjoy this extra time for myself?

Guilt can be a very oppressive thing. Especially for those of us who are working moms. There just isn't enough time to do all the things we feel we should be doing. Let's face it, we really can't have it all. We can, however decide what really matters to us and make the most of it. My family is important to me, but I also have to take care of myself. Guilt makes me angry and I tend to take my anger out on those I love the most, so what good does it do for me to feel guilty?

So today I am grateful for extra days off that I have the opportunity to spend any way I please. I am now ready to embrace the rest of my week with an open and joyful heart.

Day 1 - Friends and French Toast

I don't make friends easily. The main reason for this is that I am a pretty reserved person. I'm not very good at just jumping into a group or conversation because I don't want to step in where I'm not invited. I'm also not good at inviting people to do things with me because I dislike being rejected. So, it got to be that I only had one close friend that lived a couple of hours away. She, of course, is extraordinarily friendly, has tons of friends, and thus, does not have much time for me. There were other friends whose relationships that I could have cultivated, but either through fear of rejection or lack of time, I never really did. I found myself wanting what television, movies, and books show what we should have. I wanted a group of friends like the gals in "Sex and the City" or "Angry Housewives Eating Bon bons". It seemed however, that everyone was already paired up around me and I just didn't really fit in with anyone.

Then I read an article in a magazine that shared ways that adult women could make new friends (it seems that it isn't really easy for any of us) and it mentioned the website meetup.com. This website allows its users to form meetup groups based on specific interests. There are women's social groups, hiking groups, book clubs, spiritual groups, and on and on and on. So I decided to step out of my box and joined a couple of meetup groups. One of them was filled with some of the most supportive, wonderful, and fantastic women and they have enriched my life in ways that I didn't even know I needed. I knew I wanted some "gal pals" to hang out with, but I didn't realize how much their support and laughter would bolster me when I was feeling angry or down. They have opened my eyes to new ideas, broadened my way of thinking, and made me realize that I have more to offer people than I ever believed. Joining this group was one of the best things I have ever done in my life.

So today I am grateful for the joy that my friends bring me. We had a wonderful brunch at La Madeline where I had some of the best french toast ever. So here's to friends and french toast - may they continue to enrich my life.

Oh, if you want to know more about meetups, you can go to www.meetup.com

100 Things That Are Getting Better

It seems that the whole world has decided to be more joyful. In the February issue of O, The Oprah Magazine there is an article, "100 Things That are (Actually) Getting Better".

Here are some of my favorites:
1. Polyester
2. TV dinners
3. Dads
4. Candy
5. Marriage
6. Mascara
7. Crayloa Crayons
8. Our reputation around the world
9. Wanda Sykes
10. T-shirts
11. Tonkin snub-nosed monkeys
12. Tights
13. Definition of the good life
14. Jeans
15. and YOU!

For more information on O Magazine and the article you can go to http://www.oprah.com/omagazine.html

My Challenge

Last year I struggled with feelings of depression. I was dissatisfied with my life and felt I needed to be doing more with it. I think I cried more in the last six months than I have in my entire life. As 2010 rolled around, I decided that enough was enough. Seriously. I have a great life and it is time that I start appreciating it. If I want more out of it, I have to stop wallowing and start doing. So I got over myself and started trying to figure out what makes me happy.

The first thing I realized was that I have to stop looking at the glass as half-empty, which really is a lot easier than most people think. Two mantras that are really helping me: "Keep calm and carry on" - a British saying from World War II, and "It is what it is" - something that my husband's boss is always saying. I decided that I need to laugh more and look at the joy surrounding me.

My work recently started a 100 day wellness challenge and I felt that since being joyful was my goal for the year, that I could start it off with a 100 day happiness challenge. How much happiness and joy can I find in 100 days? How much of an impact will this have on me and those around me? Well, that remains to be seen. Each day I pledge to find something to be joyful about. I also plan to challenge myself, my family, and my friends with random acts of happiness. The more happiness and joy that we share, the better the world will be.

So here we go...100 days to a happier me!