Joy Update

So I haven't talked about much about joy lately, and that's because I seem to have lost it.  Last March, my husband and I were pregnant.  When we went in for the first ultrasound, we learned that the baby didn't form correctly and I had to have a D&C on March 30.  I know that there are many women who suffer the agony of a miscarriage and I have to say that we didn't really handle this very well.  We tried to look at the positive - that we have two healthy beautiful children that are blessings in our lives - but it was still hard to accept that we would never hold our newest little one.

As I was trying to get over the miscarriage, one of my best friends from high school, Captain Nathan J. Nylander, was killed in Afghanistan on April 27.

He was part of a NATO task force working with the Afghan Air Force.  A lone gunman went crazy one day and started shooting at the Americans in the Afghan compound at Kabul International Airport.  Nathan was one of the first responders who rescued several American and Afghan troops before exchanging deadly gunfire with the gunman.  He did not survive.  Here's the thing.  I have made friends since high school, but none know me better than those from high school.  They are such an important part of who I am.  They have a hold on my heart that is irreplaceable.  While I was not in constant contact with all of them, knowing that they were happy and living good lives was a comfort to me.  I regret that I didn't try harder to stay in touch with Nathan.  I regret that he never knew how important he was to me.  I regret and miss more than I can express at this point.

It has taken me a while to write about these events because they still hurt so much.  To lose two things that are so precious so closely together has really shaken me to my core.  I have learned to tell my loved ones that I love them as often as possible.  I have learned to keep those that I love close to me.  I have learned that life is short.  Everyone says it, but I feel it with an urgency that is making my life unbearable.  I now have little patience for things that waste my time.  I resent it when I have to do things that don't bring me any joy.  I used to be a little productive robot.  Always taking care of the to-do list.  Now I want to fling that list out the window and just take care of my family and myself.  I'm afraid that I've become a bit self-absorbed.

My heart is broken and I don't know what to do about it.  I took a picture that expresses how I feel:

This poor little tree is fighting hard to stay alive.  Right now in Texas we are having the worst drought in 100 years (or something like that) and our trees are suffering.  They are throwing off their leaves in an attempt to save themselves.  Many succumb to the lack of water and die.  These leaves aren't brown because it's autumn.  They are brown because the tree does not have enough water to sustain them.  Right now I feel like a half-alive tree.  I'm not suicidal and struggling to stay alive, but I am struggling to find joy in my life.  I am not depressed.  I am tired and hurt and impatient and angry and sad and overwhelmed and so many other things that I cannot name.  I am fighting to find my balance and I am fighting to regain my happiness.  I want to throw off the parts of my life that do not satisfy me.  I just don't have enough in me to sustain all the things that are required of me, and it's time for some of them to go.  Otherwise, they are going to drag me down further.

I am hoping that by writing down and giving a voice to my grief, I will be able to wade through it and find my way back to that place of happiness that I was in before all this began.  I am hoping that I can figure out how to make my life what I want it to be without letting down those that matter most to me.  I am hoping that when it is my turn to go that I can look back and be satisfied with how I lived my life.  I am hoping that one day I will be able to see a baby, pregnant woman, or soldier and not want to cry.

Thank you for listening.

Reading Updates

Well, I've fallen behind in my book challenges. The beginning of the school year has been so busy that I've barely had time to think. Not only that, but there are so many books I need to read for my job that I've neglected my fun books. It's not too bad though, the ones I read for my job are pretty good and I've been enjoying them.

I've been keeping up with War & Peace. I'm now at 78%. I'm committed to getting it done by December 31. After all, if I've gotten this far, it would be silly to not finish it. The war sections drag for me. I want to know what is happening to the characters!

I'm at 79% for Madame Bovary. This book is really dragging for me. I don't like Emma Bovary and I feel sorry for her idiotic husband. It's hard to read a book when you don't like the characters.

I still have one book to read for my Southern Lit. Challenge. It's currently sitting on my nightstand. I think I'm two books behind in the Italy Challenge. I didn't read one for August or September. If I find something interesting I'll be able to catch up. I'm a bit behind in the Harry Potter Challenge. I'm still on the second book and I should be on third.

That's all my updates for now.

I Have Been Sorted...

and I belong to the house of

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

I was almost in Ravenclaw, but good old Hufflepuff won out. I think it suits me.

Harry Potter Read-a-Long

I found a new challenge to join!  (I know, I'm addicted)  Pretty Deadly Reviews is having a Harry Potter Read-a-Long.  Sounds like a lot of fun, plus I was wanting to re-read the series after the seeing the final movie anyway.  It starts today, but I'll have to begin reading tomorrow.  My kids lost my first book and I have to get one from the library.

Reading Challenge Update

So here is where I stand so far:
Italy in Books Challenge:
1. The Food of Love by Anthony Capella
2. Summer in Tuscany by Elizabeth Adler
3. Juliet by Anne Fortier
4. Finding Positano by William James
5. Tuscany for Beginners by Imogene Edwards-Jones
6. The Neapolitan Steak by Timothy Holme
7. Tuscan Holiday by Holly Chamberlin
Only 5 more to go!

Southern Literature Challenge
1. Sweet Tea at Sunrise by Sherryl Woods
2. Sunrise by Jacquelyn Cook
3. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Only 1 more to go!

Gilmore Girls Challenge
1. Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
2. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
3. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
4. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Not doing so great with this one.  May have to give it up and try again when it is the only one to focus on.  The hardest part about this challenge is that you have to read the specific books, you can't just read whatever books you want.

Classics
See Gilmore Girls Challenge.  I'm really struggling with my original resolution.  These books take me so much longer to get through.  Currently I'm reading War and Peace and Madame Bovary.  There isn't a number amount that I have to accomplish here, I just want to read as many as I can.

War and Peace Read-a-Long
I am currently in Book 11.  Hard to know the page number since I'm reading it on my kindle, but I am over 63 percent done so I should finish just in time.

Tuscan Holiday by Holly Chamberlin

Florence is merely the setting for this story about love, life, and relationships.  Elizabeth Caldwell books a trip to Florence for herself and her daughter Marina.  She hopes that it will be an opportunity for them to bond.  Marina has just graduated from college and is more interested in hanging out with her fiancee and friends.  As Marina and Elizabeth explore the Italian city they confront a few hard truths about themselves and how they've lived their lives.
Marina annoys me throughout the book.  She is pompous and  overbearing at the beginning of the story.  When she meets and falls in love with Luca, a handsome Italian, she becomes a wet dishrag.  Seeing her fall off her own pedestal was a bit gratifying.  Seeing her appreciate and try to understand her mother was hugely gratifying.

Elizabeth annoys me with her submissive personality.  In order to keep from alienating her daughter, she tends to just accept her abuse.  At least, until she finally explodes in an Italian restaurant.  Which is a great scene, by the way.  Unfortunately, after that she falls back into the pattern of doing whatever Marina wants.  It's interesting to me that she acts this way considering that she had to be a pretty strong woman to successfully raise a daughter after her boyfriend abandoned her. 

However, the constant reflections of both women lead to some pretty satisfying conclusions.  Marina learns that she isn't perfect and Elizabeth learns to accept love and move on.

While most of the story takes place during their two weeks in Florence, the city itself is a mere prop to the inner musings of the two women.  The reader gets to experience the food and scenery of Italy, but it is relegated to the background.

I would give this book 3 out of 5 stars.  It was okay.

The Neapolitan Streak by Timothy Holme

I thoroughly enjoyed this book!  It was like reading an Agatha Christie novel.  Intricate plot twists and engaging characters made this book entertaining and fun to read.
Achille Peroni is an inspector in the Italian police force.  He is a southern Italian who has been stationed in Northern Italy, specifically Verona.  When a prominent member of Verona society disappears, it seems that the politically motivated Red Brigade are to blame.  As Peroni digs deeper, he begins to realize that there is much more to the crime and that it could be because of an ancient feud that leads back to the most famous of star-crossed couples, Romeo and Juliet.

At first I was a bit leery of the tie to Romeo and Juliet, but Holme managed to incorporate the legend without being cheesy.  While the mystery keeps the book moving forward, it is the characters that make the book entertaining.  Peroni is like a suave Hercule Poirot.  He is intelligent, intuitive, and a bit of a ladies man.  I really enjoyed his interactions with his sister's family.  There is a lot of wry and witty humor, which just makes reading the story that much better.

The story is set in Italy in 1980 and it did take me a while to understand and sort through the background information.  Holme just sort of drops you in the middle of Italy with just a brief guidebook.  Once I had the basics down, I found that I liked his technique.  I liked reading about Italy from an insider's point of view, instead of from that of a tourist or expatriate.  Instead of Italy being treated like a travel destination, it was a home.  It was an honest portrayal of both the good and the bad of Italy.

I would give this book 4 out of 5 stars.

Tuscany for Beginners by Imogene Edwards-Jones

Tuscany for Beginners by Imogene Edwards-Jones

After leaving England and her cheating husband behind, Belinda Smith has enjoyed being the Queen Bee of her Tuscan valley. Not only is she the owner of the bed and breakfast Casa Mia, but she has been declared the "La Contessa of the Valley" by her fellow expatriates. Life is going very well. That is until the American Lauren shows up and declares that she is going to open her own bed and breakfast in Belinda's valley. Belinda can hardly stand being upstaged and replaced, so she resorts to petty trickery to derail the competition. Unfortunately for her, Lauren is a former Wall Street hotshot who specialized in hostile takeovers. As Belinda fights to retain control, she slowly realizes that she is in a losing battle.

This was yet another okay book. I really did not like Belinda. She was scheming, selfish, overbearing, lazy, and stupid. Obnoxious would also describe her. I hated the way she treated everyone, including her daughter. How she managed to even keep her business is a mystery to me since she was absolutely the worst hostess ever. I was actually rooting for Lauren to crush her and was a little disappointed that an earthquake demolishing her house was the worst she got. Her character never grew or learned from the experience. She never apologized and never accepted what a truly horrid person she was. The plot was mildly entertaining, but the distasteful main character made me not really care too much.

I would give this book 3 out of 5 stars. The plot was interesting. The main character ruined it for me. There were recipes. They looked pretty good.

Finding Positano by William James

This book was okay. I read it at the beginning of the month and had to re-read the description to remember the main characters. Apparently it wasn't very memorable. I enjoyed the descriptions of Positano. It is definitely a place I want to visit when I get to Italy. However, I just didn't connect with the main character. She was pretty boring to me. The love story was a bit dull. I never felt the spark between Maggie and Stefano. It felt very awkward to me.

I would rate this 2 out of 5 stars.

Sorry the review is so short. I just don't have much to say about this book.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

I would have to say that this book is one of my favorite books this year. Told with alternating viewpoints, The Help explores racism in the South during the pre-Civil Rights era. However, it does so without being preachy or depressing, and I think that is because the characters are written so well. I absolutely loved the characters. Aibileen, the sweet caretaker who finally gets fed up with being treated like a second-class citizen; Minny, the sassy maid with a heart of gold; and Skeeter, the college graduate who is determined to actually use her college degree. When Skeeter ropes Aibileen into helping her write a tell-all book about being a black maid in Mississippi, each of the women must decide if telling the truth is worth the consequences.

I found myself really caring about the main characters (as well as "white-trash" Cecelia Foote) and their struggles to grow in a society that did not allow for growth. The ending did leave me hanging, but I was satisfied with it. The injustices that the black women faced made me angry and grateful. While I know that we do not live in a perfectly colorblind society, I'm glad that it is not as bad as it was then. The rampant racism was appalling and sad.

I would give this book 5 out of 5 stars. A great read!

Juliet by Anne Fortier

Julie Jacobs's life is turned upside down after the death of her Aunt Rose. While her twin Janice inherits the estate, Julie only recieves a letter and a key. The letter informs her that she is really Giulietta Tolomei and that her long-dead mother has left her with a legacy in Siena, Italy. She also discovers that she is a descent of another Giulietta Tolomei, the inspiration for Juliet in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Julie's search for her heritage in Siena leads to adventure and romance. As Julie searches for the truth behind her family, she encounters several old texts that share the fate of 13th century Giulietta and her Romeo. As she reads these texts, she learns about a curse that may or may not be still haunting her family.

I found this story to be very entertaining. The mystery of Julie's inheritance was filled with DaVinci Code type moments. Honestly, this book was more adventurous than I was expecting. I thought it was going to be a heartwarming tale about a woman discovering herself, instead I got a fast-paced adventure. It was a nice surprise. I also enjoyed the interwoven story of Giulietta and Romeo. Personally I've never been a fan of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I always thought the characters were annoying. I disliked that they chose suicide as a solution to their problem. Fortier's story was tragic, but the main characters were victims of horrible circumstances, not just some silly star-crossed lovers. I liked the character of Giulietta, she was quite a woman. Siena was not a city I had ever read much about, so I enjoyed reading about it as both a medieval and current place. It seems like an interesting place to visit someday.

Overall, I would give this book 4 out of 5 stars. I really enjoyed it.

Sunrise by Jacquelyn Cook

Here is my second review for the Southern Literature Reading Challenge. Sunrise by Jacquelyn Cook is the story of Anne Tracy Johnston and William Butler Johnston. They are the real life southerners that built the Johnston-Felton-Hay mansion in Macon, Georgia. The story follows Anne and William through their courtship, honeymoon in Europe, and marriage. It covers their lives during the civil war and the outlines the lives of the family and friends that surround them.

While this book had the potential to be very interesting, it ended up being one of the most boring books I've ever read. I got it free on my kindle, which is a good thing. I would have been seriously disappointed if I had paid for this book. The main character Anne, was annoying. She was constantly whining and having fits of temper. Then her entire personality would turn around after a little prayer or a bible verse was given to her. Mr. Johnston could have been an interesting character, but he was kept in the background during much of the story. Not only that, but the plot just read like a timeline of events. There wasn't much storytelling involved. The worst part was when it read like a timeline of deaths. I know this time period wasn't the best for a long life expectancy, but it seems that just about everyone died in this book. It is based on fact, but it felt like there was nothing but death after death througout the book.

I would give this book one out of five stars.

Classics Reading Challenge

Okay - so I have found yet another reading challenge to join. This one is in line with my new year's resolution to read the classics I've missed, so I figured that it would be a great one for me.

Kimberly at Sugar Creek Cottage is hosting a Classics Reading Challenge. The goal is to read at least 8 classics by December 31, 2011. I'm already working on a couple, so we'll see how it goes.

Summer in Tuscany

Summer in Tuscany by Elizabeth Adler

Gemma is an overworked doctor trying to escape from the pain of her past. When her elderly mother, Nonna, receives news that she has received an inheritance, both women, along with Gemma's 14-year-old daughter, head to Bella Piacere. Bella Piacere is where Nonna lived as a until her teenage years, and this trip is a special homecoming for her. The women learn that Nonna has inherited a villa, but there are complications with the inheritance. Apparently, the villa has been bought by the handsome New Yorker Ben Raphael. Sparks fly between Ben and Gemma, a friendship blossoms between their seemingly opposite daughters, and even Nonna gets a shot at romance.

This was a fun book. A bit predictable. Gemma was a bit annoying, but once I learned the truth about her previous relationship, I understood her a little better. The descriptions of Italy made my desire to visit even stronger. Of course, the love of a good man and the beauty of the country help Gemma to find peace and happiness in herself. My favorite character was Nonna. I loved her transformation from Italian widow to Genteel Villa Owner.

I would give this book three out of five stars. I liked it, but it wasn't amazing.

Sweet Tea at Sunrise

Sweet Tea at Sunrise by Sheryl Woods

Newly divorced mom, Sarah, has come back home to Serenity, North Carolina to rebuild her life with her two young children. Emotionally battered by her ex-husband and family, Sarah suffers from an extreme lack of self-confidence. Enter Travis McDonald, a sweet-talking ex-baseball player. Travis has opened a new radio station in Serenity and he wants Sarah to be his morning deejay. As they begin to work together, sparks start to fly, but can Sarah ever believe that she is the woman Travis really wants?

Sweet Tea at Sunrise is #5 in the Sweet Magnolias Series. I would highly recommend reading some of the other books in the series before trying this one. While the romance part of the story stands alone, there were many references to past events that just made no sense to me. Also, there were way too many characters. I had to keep backtracking to figure out who was related or who a person was. I'm sure that if I started with the first book in the series this would have been less confusing.

Sarah suffers from way too much self-doubt. I'm sure that her marriage was hard on her, but not only did she lack self-confidence, but she also lacked any spunk. Instead of facing her problems or doubts head-on, she just kept avoiding them. Instead of acting like a mature adult and having conversations with Travis, she would either argue with him, avoid him, or kiss him senseless. I also didn't like how her friends kept telling her what to do and treating her like she was a child. This was a bit annoying for me. The ending was also a bit abrupt. I did like many of the side characters. I'm interested in reading more of their stories.

Gilmore Girls Reading Challenge

This is the final challenge that I am taking on this year (maybe) and it's a big one.

It is the Gilmore Girls Reading Challenge. Since I'm a big reader, I'm going to try for Rory. I have to read 20 books from at least four of the different categories (there are five categories to choose from). This looks like a great challenge because there is such a large variety of books. the good news is that you can watch movie versions of the books and it will still count!

I think this will be the hardest challenge for me, but I'm really looking forward to it. I'm pumped about trying to read the 80 books needed in order to master this challenge!

War and Peace in 2011

As part of my resolution to read the classics I've missed, I am also reading War and Peace with Jillian at A Room of One's Own. I've always wondered what this book was about and am excited that Jillian has provided this opportunity to read it along with many others.

The goal is to read one chapter a day. Since there are 365 chapters, I will be done at the end of December. So nice to know that I don't have to rush through this huge book. The process is going a bit slow for me (although I'm reading about two chapter a day) because this in an area that I know very little about. Of course, it's fun learning new things, so I've been researching as I read so that I can understand the story better.

There are a LOT of characters in this book. I may have to start a list to keep up with them all. There is a great one on wikipedia, but it is too overwhelming to me at this point since it lists all the characters I haven't even met.

There are many versions of Tolstoy's text out there. The one I am reading was translated by Briggs and I am reading it on my kindle. (Sorry I can't give more info, but the kindle version doesn't give me much)

I'm actually beginning to enjoy the story and looking forward to reading more.

Southern Literature Challenge

Here is another reading challenge that I am taking on for 2011. The Introverted Reader is hosting a Southern Literature Challenge. Since I am from Texas and adore all things Southern (although Texan and Southern are NOT synonomous), I think this will be fun to try.

My goal is to read 4 Southern books and I'm reading my first one right now. Here's to a successful challenge!

Head on over to The Introverted Reader for more information and a list of great books to choose from. I'll post a review once I finish my book.

The Food of Love

The Food of Love by Anthony Capella

This is a mouthwatering book. Laura, an American studying in Rome, meets Tommaso. Tomasso claims to be a chef to impress her and convinces his friend Bruno, who is a chef, to help him with the charade. For Tommaso, this is just another conquest, but for Bruno, this is love. Bruno pours his love into the dishes he creates for Laura and she falls deeper into love with Tommaso, believing that he is the one that is fulfilling her appetite for authentic Italian cuisine.

The descriptions of the food are sumptuous and delectable. It made me want to eat Italian food every night that I was reading it. Unfortunately, it's not easy to get the delicious fare described in the story.

A modern retelling of Cyrano de Bergerac, this case of mistaken identity, true love, and finding your passion is a satisfying read. I give this book four out of five stars.

Italy in Books Challenge 2011

It's a whole new year and I've just discovered online reading challenges!! The first challenge that I am going to participate in is "Italy in Books" that is being held by Book After Book.

With this challenge I have to read 12 books that are set in Italy by December 31, 2011. So fun! Since I love Italy (although I have yet to visit there) and I want to broaden my book reading horizons, this seems like a perfect challenge for me.

I've already read my first book, but I'll have to post my review later...