Day 76 - Opposites Attract

My husband made a comment the other night that I am making so many changes lately he just can't keep up with me. This was in response to my fortune cookie that said that I will make many changes before settling satisfactorily. At first I was a bit confused because I haven't REALLY made any changes in the past few months. When he elaborated on his comment, I realized that he was commenting on my daydreaming and not on anything that I had actually done. The only thing that I have actually changed recently is my attitude and my reaction to the things in my life. I haven't actually done ANY of the things he was talking about: having a third child, opening a bookstore, getting a new car, moving, or getting a tattoo. I've talked about them, I've considered them, but I haven't done any of them.

This just goes to show how different my husband and I are. I am a daydreamer. He is incredibly practical. He is about providing for his family and earning a paycheck. I am about inspiration and making a difference in the world. I don't know how he can stand his job, and he doesn't understand mine. We don't really share any interests or hobbies - he's into cars and Ghost Hunters, and watching television, while I'm into crafts such as sewing and stamping, reading, and avoiding the TV as much as possible. I'm a bit of a neat freak and he's a clutter bug (although he will deny it). I'm fairly quiet and reserved while he will make friends with the guy standing behind him at the post office.

Despite all this, I love him. I love his steadfastness and his desire to build a good life for his family. I love how he looks at me in a way that makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. When I want to try something new, he encourages me to reach for my dreams. I think that without him, my life would be emptier in ways that I can not even comprehend. He definitely is part of me now, and I could not imagine where my life would be without him.

But I strongly feel that having a husband does not necessarily make my life complete, and it does not define me as a person. As an avid reader of fairy tales and romance novels, I had always felt that once I was married and had kids my life would be a series of happily-ever-afters. But then I realized, having a husband didn't mean that I had someone who always understood me. Just because I had a husband didn't mean we were always partners. Having a husband doesn't make my life perfect, or easy, or better. The chicks in romance novels seemed to need nothing more than a man and sex. The chemistry was always there, they always adored their man, and their man always cherished them. Why wasn't my relationship like that? Duh - I realized that my life isn't a romance novel, and that real life and a real marriage are hard work. It takes constant compromise and negotiation. You have to work with another person without sacrificing your own happiness. In real life - there is no such thing as a happily-ever-after because life goes on and life will consist of a series of ups an downs. If you're lucky, it doesn't end for a very long time.

I determine my own happiness, and I cannot rely on others to make me happy. There is so much more to me than my marriage. My husband has a piece of my heart and soul, but he does not have all of it. My children have a part of it, my extended family has a part, my friends have a part, and there is even a small part that I keep for myself. I give some of myself to my job and the students that surround me and I give some of myself to my future dreams and goals. I am me - a little quirky and a little nerdy, but more than just one relationship. If I allow my marriage to consume me, then I am no longer myself, I am only us. If I focus all of my energy on only one aspect of my life, then all the others will whither from neglect. If I become only what my husband expects of me, then I am no longer who I was really meant to be. Knowing this, I feel that I am a better wife. I am not just a yes man for my husband, but a strong and independent woman that he can admire. I am a whole person, not his doormat. I am stronger and happier, and thus better able to communicate my needs as well as compromise without bearing any grudge. I am able to love with a complete and open heart, knowing that what we really have is more than just love. It is a true commitment, for better or worse and able to withstand whatever changes may come its way.