Day 15 - Great Expectations

I have very high expectations for myself, my kids, and my husband. Actually I have high expectations for everything in my life. Lately I have been suffering from a dilemma. Often, having high expectations means being disappointed when you or those around you don't meet them. So is it better to keep those expectations or should they be lowered?

I don't think my expectations are unreasonable. Is is unreasonable to expect my kids who are 8 & 11 to clean up after themselves and leave the common areas of the house looking neat? Is it unreasonable to expect my husband to do the dishes without my having to ask? These seem like such small things to expect. Now I know that many of you ladies are thinking that we all want that from our husbands, but they just aren't wired to do it. Really? That's a reason? To be honest, the reason that I expect it is because my husband is really a great guy. He isn't the kind to think the "little woman" should do all the housework, he really does his share. But he doesn't usually do it unless I ask or put it on his to do list, which always makes me feel like a nag.

I expect my husband to be romantic because sometimes he is. Then sometimes he does things like getting me absolutely nothing for our anniversary - not even a card. When he does stuff like that I feel a crushing disappointment because I was expecting something to recognize our special day. So do I lower my expectations in order to avoid disappointment? Should I expect nothing and then be surprised and pleased when he gets me a card?

You see, I'm really struggling with this. Should I lower my expectations and be grateful for what I have, essentially settling for less, or should I keep my expectations high and demand better?

I know this post isn't very joyful. We all have our down days and as I've mentioned before, it's okay. I'll do better tomorrow.

Day 14 - Music Lifts the Soul

So I am late (again) with my post because I spent all night working on the playlists for my iPhone. I got a new computer a few weeks back, and had to transfer my music over and create new playlists. I can't believe how much time I spent creating playlists, but it really made me happy. Here are some great songs that will make you feel like dancing and smiling. (Warning: they are not all PG rated)

It's a Great Day - Travis Tritt
Yeah - Usher
Attitude - Wynona Judd
The Power - Snap!
The Way You Make Me Feel - Michael Jackson
Flashdance - Irene Cara
Gonna Make You Sweat - C+C Music Factory
Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees
I'm Every Woman - Chaka Khan
Wipeout - from Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
I Like it Like That - Tito Nieves
Boogie Shoes - KC and the Sunshine Band

Feel free to comment and add songs that lift you up!

Day 13 - How Full is Your Bucket?

So I am a day late again because I was out late last night with my ladies group. It was supposed to be our book club meeting, but we usually don't spend much time talking about the book. Instead we share stories about our lives, cheer each other's accomplishments, and support those that are having difficult times. Even though we don't follow a traditional book club format, I love these meetings. They are always bucket-filling.

Not sure what that means? I'm not sure who started it, but the concept is that we all walk around with an invisible bucket and dipper. When we are surrounded by positive energy, our bucket fills up. When we are exposed to negativity, our bucket is emptied. Positive people are bucket fillers, and negative people are bucket dippers. What is even more interesting, is that when you dip into some one's bucket with a negative emotion, you also dip into your own, but when you fill some one's bucket you fill your own. The idea is that positive energy breeds positive energy and negative energy breeds negative energy. There are several books about it. I'm reading How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath, but a great kids book is Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud. My daughter's counselor read it to her and it had such an impact on her that I had to read it myself.

It's pretty easy to be a bucket filler. Kindness is the main key. By being kind to people and authentically acknowledging their strengths with compliments will fill their buckets. However, it's not so easy to keep from being a bucket dipper. You have to be conscious of everything you say and do. Unkind words, impatient words, and negativity can empty a person's bucket.

My husband fills my bucket when he does little things around the house without my asking for it. He empties my bucket when he chooses work over family time. I fill my kids buckets when I compliment them. I dip into their buckets when I am impatient with them. Unfortunately, my family seems to have an even ratio of bucket filling and dipping, when you should actually have a ratio of 5 positives to every one negative.

To bring myself and my family more joy, I am pledging to start filling more buckets. It is so easy for us to nitpick and point out the things that aren't working, but I am resolving to end that horrible cycle. I plan to make a conscious effort to dole out more compliments and focus on all the good things that my family brings to me.

Have you filled a bucket today?

Day 12 - Time for Rest

I am late posting my day 12 blog because I took a nap yesterday. It was a wonderful luxury. Every once in a while, I need to do something to rejuvenate my energy, and a nap was just the ticket. Fortunately, my kids are at an age where they do not constantly need my supervision, so I can nap in peace (although a part of me can still hear them).

I don't have much to say about my nap. I highly recommend that everyone take a nap when they are feeling a bit blah. I woke up feeling a bit more refreshed and ready to deal with the daily issues of life.

So take a moment for yourself this week. Don't feel guilt about it. Relax. Enjoy. Rejuvenate.

Day 11 - God Bless America

This week I have been reading the book The Librarian of Basra to my students. It is based on a true story about Alia Muhammad Baker, a librarian in Basra, Iraq who saved the library books from being destroyed by the war. It is an inspirational story, and my students are amazed at the bravery of this one librarian. We calculated that if she had used backpacks to transport all the books of the library, she would have needed 3,750 backpacks!

As I read this book and discuss it with my students, I can't help but feel grateful that I live in America. Not everything is perfect, but I have so many more advantages here than I would have had in other countries. As a woman in America, my opportunities are limitless. In America, your dreams can come true if you are willing to work hard enough. Our government is a true democracy, where we actually vote for the leaders of our country without fear. Most of us live very comfortable lives, with houses to shelter us and enough food to eat. We have clean water with just the turn of a handle. There are so many great things about my country, and I'm proud to be an American.

Day 10 - An Attitude of Gratitude

It's day 10 of my 100 days of joy and I'm going to count my blessings. 10 things that I'm grateful for:

1. My husband
2. My son
3. My daughter
4. My family
5. A healthy body
6. Sunny days with blue skies
7. Moonlight
8. A job that is fulfilling and rewarding
9. Trees - for both their beauty and the oxygen they give us
10. Chocolate

What 10 things are you grateful for?

Day 9 - Angels

I have always loved the TV show Touched by an Angel. Lately, the Hallmark channel has been playing three episodes a night and I have become obsessed. I am not an overly religious person, but I would like to believe that there are angels walking amongst us humans. Isn't it a lovely thought? No matter what you believe, the idea that humans are so precious to the creator that he sends angels to help them makes me feel cherished.

I love the overlying message in Touched by an Angel. God created you. God loves you. You are special and beloved. I just can't seem to get enough of hearing that. What a beautiful thing to hear, even if it is just actors on TV. I think we as humans should say it more often to each other.

I believe that there is something out there that we as humans will never understand or comprehend. Whether it is God, or Allah, or just the Universe, there is something that is bigger than our human brains can ever comprehend. Look at the beauty that surrounds you. I know that scientists feel they can explain everything away, and break it down to the smallest atom, but I think it is so much more than just atoms and particles. There is a life force in every living creature that goes beyong our understanding. What a spectacular thing the earth and its creatures are. And the idea of angels walking among us is just a bonus to add to the beauty that we can see.


So go with God (or Allah, or whatever you believe in) and peace be with you.

Day 8 - Thank Heaven for Little Girls

My daughter gives me great joy. In the days of Bratz dolls and girls growing up way too early, she has remained sweetly innocent. She is only eight, and I rejoice in the fact that the world of make-believe is still one of her favorite places to hang out. When I grounded her from the TV, she just made her own and pretended to "watch" movies. The other night, she decided that we needed to eat in the dining room so all of her ten children (her baby dolls) could eat with us. I am constantly amazed by her imagination and creativity. There is no point in organizing her room, because she just doesn't see thing the way I do. I would put all the alike toys together: Barbies in one box, Polly Pockets is another. But she is constantly mixing toys to fit whatever game she is playing in combinations I would never have thought of myself.

I hope that she is able to hang onto her creativity. She wants to be an artist when she grows up, and while she may be one of those abstract ones where no one really understands her work, I want her to keep her childish hopes and dreams. I want her to always feel the same confidence in her creativity that she feels right now. I love to watch her skip around; a happy bundle of energy. I get joy from hearing her while she plays with her toys.

I know the day will come when she's more interested in boys, clothes, and make-up than barbies, baby dolls, and tea parties. For now, I will savor the moments of sweetness and innocence while I have them. Hopefully, she won't feel the need to move on too quickly.

Day 7 - Thank a Teacher

I know it sounds cliched, but if you can read this, you REALLY should thank a teacher. Where would you be today if you didn't have teachers? Now, I know they didn't all make an impact, but somewhere in your life a teacher made a difference, even if it was just teaching you to read.

I have been an official teacher for 11 years, although I started teaching before I was out of college, so I have unofficially been in the education business for 12 1/2 years. Being a teacher was all I ever wanted to do. When I was a kid, I would make monthly bulletin boards. Since I didn't have access to the cool letters that teachers had, I made my own. (I also had my own library, but that's a story for another day.) My poor baby dolls had homework and my brother got to the point where he wouldn't play school with me anymore because I took it too seriously.

For the first 9 1/2 years of my career, I worked in high schools. I taught English, dance, and drill team (for those of you not from Texas, that is not ROTC, it is dance team). While there were some moments of satisfaction, I found it to be incredibly draining. I became a teacher to make a difference, and it seemed that by the time the students made it to me, they were already done. I think it takes an incredibly special person to really reach teenagers, and I just didn't think I was one of them. So I became a librarian and moved to elementary school kids. Wow! What a difference. For most elementary aged children, you are a god. Everything about you is magical and fantastic. Kindergarten students are so precious as they look at you with wonder in their eyes when you read to them. Second graders are amazed at how the moon moves around the earth. They tell you silly jokes, they laugh at your poor puppeteering, and they are completely honest (much to my amusement and chagrin). But I noticed that as they got older, the joy of learning left them to be replaced by eye-rolling and constant streams of "this is boring". So I stepped up to the challenge and moved up to intermediate school. 5th and 6th graders. Beautiful children who are caught between being a child and being a teenager. Smart kids who have decided that learning is too much effort and now do as little as possible. Funny kids who have a wicked sense of humor yet can be easily injured with just a word. The hormones and emotions that surround me on a daily basis could take down a lesser person, but I and my co-workers persevere. We cajole, we threaten, we bribe. We take classes that teach us how to teach better. We spend our own money so students can have the supplies they need. We mentor. We tutor. We try to find a way to reach every student - even those that are the exact opposite of us and thus the ones we understand the least.

I am proud to be a teacher. Despite what people may say or think, I believe that teachers are the ones who make the greatest impact on society. We see the future every day. We often work alone, with minimal pay, no gratitude, and constant sneers at our profession in order to make the future citizens of our country into responsible, caring, and intelligent individuals. As far as intelligent, I don't mean that all our students will be Einsteins or even college educated, but our hope is that they will have the ability to look at the world around them, gather information, and make compassionate and informed choices. Instead of just accepting what is told to them, we hope that our students will have the ability to use their cognitive abilities to form their own opinions. Ignorance breeds hatred and we as teachers fight that ignorance every day.

While public education may not be perfect, it does give opportunities to those that may not have them otherwise. Where would Oprah be without public education? Where would you be? If you're going to claim that you were home schooled, or that someone else taught you more that school ever did, I want you to consider this: where did your parents get their education? We can hammer public schools all we want, but the fact is that they are filled with many hard-working people that truly want to make a difference in a child's life. Instead of putting it down, consider the blessings that public education has brought to our country.

So, I'll get of my soap box now. But I really am serious. Think of a teacher that really made an impact on you and send them a little note letting them know. It really makes a difference to know that all our hard work really did make a difference. Unlike architects or surgeons or lawyers, we rarely get to see the end result of our efforts. Go on, send a note. You'd be surprised at how much joy it will bring both you and the recipient.

Day 6 - The Blues

Yes - I know this is a day late. Boot camp yesterday totally kicked my hiney and I didn't even have the strength to type on my little laptop. *sigh*

Yesterday, I felt a little blue. I tried to fight it the best I could. Looking at the many blessings in my life. Taking deep breaths. Smiling every time I looked at my non-existent watch. But the fact is, everyone is going to have the blues every now and then, even if you are dedicated to being positive and happy. I have learned the hard way that ignoring your true feelings can seriously backfire on you. Ignoring things does not make them go away, it just makes them fester until you either explode or collapse in a useless puddle of snotty tears.

However, I have also learned that you not only need to acknowledge your true feelings, you also need to understand what they are really about. Sometimes when we are sad and angry, we will take it out on whatever is handy instead of confronting what we really feel or who we are really upset with. While it may be easier to act like you're really upset with the fact that your husband doesn't pick up his socks, you really should confront the fact that you had a lousy and disappointing day at work.

Sometimes we have the blues for no reason at all. It could be chemical, hormonal, or the weather. It is okay to feel this way, but try not to take it out on other people. And try to find ways to make yourself feel better. Maybe you just need a moment to soak up some sunshine. Listen to some music. Take a few deep breaths. Accept that you're feeling blue and be okay with it. But for God's sake, don't wallow in it and bring everyone else down.

As for me, there were a few reasons I was feeling blue. One reason was that it's just that time of month. I always feel a little down the week before "Aunt Flo" visits. Another reason was that I was feeling insignificant. I had to remind myself that I really do matter to the people that matter. The final reason for my blues was that I don't feel that I'm getting enough quality time with my husband. His job is a bit detrimental to our relationship, but I have to accept it for what it is, and find joy in the times we get to be together. So while I couldn't really shake the blues, I could at least identify where they were coming from and move on with my day. It's easy to do once you realize that the blessings in life far outweigh the things that bring you down.

By the way, while I was being tortured during boot camp, I did take the time to admire the beautiful blue sky. It took my mind off the pain ;-)

Day 5 - Time

Today I did something that I would never have done willingly in the past. I went to work without a watch. Now, I know that many of you are wondering what the big deal is, but I am (or was) a very Type-A person. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am super efficient. I am constantly aware of the time. Constantly processing where I need to be, what I need to do, how I can accomplish everything in a short amount of time.


Well, in order to find more joy, I have to relax. I've decided to start small. I'm going without a watch for a while. I think I'll accessorize with cute bracelets instead. Every time I see the bracelet instead of the watch, I'll smile - whether I feel like it or not, because I believe that if you force your mouth into an upward shape, you'll trick yourself into feeling better.


You know, time is a funny thing. When you're having fun, it seems like there isn't enough time. When you're doing something you don't enjoy, time drags. Try administering the TAKS test, where all you can do is stare at students while they take a test that is not timed. They can take all the time they want, while all you can do is watch. (I'm telling you, that is what I think hell would be like.) On the same note, Sunday afternoons rush by in the blink of an eye.


So how did I feel without my watch? Well, not really all that different. After all, I was at work and I was surrounded by clocks. But I did smile every time I looked at my wrist. We'll see how this experiment goes. Even watching students test has got to have it's blessings. Time is precious, and instead of counting the minutes, I plan to savor the moments.

A little poem from Robert Herrick, that was featured in one of my favorite movies: Dead Poet's Society.

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best, which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having once but lost your prime,
You may for ever tarry.

Until tomorrow ~ Carpe Diem!

Day 4 - I Celebrate Myself

We as humans (especially women) are constantly critiquing our bodies. Our hips are too wide, our buns are too big, our arms flap when we wave. Everyone has a list of things that they hate about their body. For some of us, the list could fill a book.

Well, I am here to tell you to STOP. The fact is, no one is perfect. And the idea of the perfect body is in the eye of the beholder. There was a time when more rotund women were considered sexier than their skinny counterparts because they were perceived as healthier and therefore more fertile. Now I am not saying that we all need to be overweight, because carrying too much weight is not good for your health. You need to find a weight that is healthy for you, and while it may not make you look like the ideal supermodel, accept it for what it is and be grateful for all it does for you.

You see, my body is far from perfect, but I am blessed by it in so many ways. Unlike many people, I have two legs that carry me where I want to go and two arms that can hold my children. Through my body I am able to feel the softness of my cat and hear the laughter of my daughter. My body holds my heart which pumps blood throughout my veins. When you really think about it, the body is a remarkable thing. Think of how all the tiny things work together just so you can breathe. So while you may not have the "ideal" look, you are still fantastic - a walking, breathing, vibrant miracle.

So your next joyful challenge is to follow the advice of one of my favorite dancer/choreographer's: "The next time you look into the mirror, just look at the way the ears rest next to the head; look at the way the hairline grows; think of all the little bones in your wrist. It is a miracle." - Martha Graham

As for the title of my blog today, it is from Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself". He's one of my favorite poets. Random fact, at one point Walt's poetry was considered vulgar and pornographic.

So with that thought, I'll leave you for today. And remember - be grateful for your body. It may not look perfect, but it still brings you great joy.

Day 3 - Sunlight and Moonbeams

One of my favorite things to do is to sit outside and watch the sunlight though the trees. I find it incredibly calming to see the breeze ruffle the leaves while the sunlight filters through them. There is something incredibly beautiful about trees, the strong trunk lifting and rising, slowly tapering to the delicate leaves. Even in the fall, I love to crunch the leaves under my feet and inhale the woodsy scent. Just looking out a window at a beautiful tree gives me a thrill of joy.

But I digress, this post is about the joy of sunlight, and isn't sunlight a wondrous thing? It is amazing how the mood will automatically lift when the sun finally peeks out from behind the clouds after days of rain. My husband cannot tolerate going without the sun. He becomes cranky and depressed if he doesn't see the sun after several days. The sun is our constant companion, yet we hardly take the time to really notice it. Take a look at the wonder that surrounds you.



As for the moonbeams, they're a little hard to see right now. The moon is only a tiny sliver of a crescent. But when the moon is full and it's light shines on the earth, it can be magical.


So here is your first challenge - and mine too - spend 15 minutes just soaking up the sun tomorrow (unless it rains - then you have to do it on the next sunny day). Release all thoughts, worries, and tensions from your mind and just BE. Breathe. Examine the wonder and beauty that surrounds you. Smile and let the joy fill your heart. Do it again that night when the moon is out. Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Day 2 - Lazy Days Without Guilt

Today I had the day off and I did absolutely nothing. I stayed in my PJ's until noon, read a magazine, and took a nap. Now I typically would feel guilty for wasting a day like this, but part of finding the joy in my life is to also recognize the joy of doing nothing. It's okay to to just BE and not always DO. Of course, I have found that you do have to be careful with this because the desire to NEVER do anything can be a sign of depression. But that's not what today was about. It wasn't that I didn't have any desire to do anything, I just felt that since I'd been given the gift of an extra day off, that I should spend it in the way my body most needed, and it seemed that my body most needed rest. My mind needed time to just chill without the constant to do list that typically runs in the background. The laundry was done, the house was clean, why not sit back and enjoy this extra time for myself?

Guilt can be a very oppressive thing. Especially for those of us who are working moms. There just isn't enough time to do all the things we feel we should be doing. Let's face it, we really can't have it all. We can, however decide what really matters to us and make the most of it. My family is important to me, but I also have to take care of myself. Guilt makes me angry and I tend to take my anger out on those I love the most, so what good does it do for me to feel guilty?

So today I am grateful for extra days off that I have the opportunity to spend any way I please. I am now ready to embrace the rest of my week with an open and joyful heart.

Day 1 - Friends and French Toast

I don't make friends easily. The main reason for this is that I am a pretty reserved person. I'm not very good at just jumping into a group or conversation because I don't want to step in where I'm not invited. I'm also not good at inviting people to do things with me because I dislike being rejected. So, it got to be that I only had one close friend that lived a couple of hours away. She, of course, is extraordinarily friendly, has tons of friends, and thus, does not have much time for me. There were other friends whose relationships that I could have cultivated, but either through fear of rejection or lack of time, I never really did. I found myself wanting what television, movies, and books show what we should have. I wanted a group of friends like the gals in "Sex and the City" or "Angry Housewives Eating Bon bons". It seemed however, that everyone was already paired up around me and I just didn't really fit in with anyone.

Then I read an article in a magazine that shared ways that adult women could make new friends (it seems that it isn't really easy for any of us) and it mentioned the website meetup.com. This website allows its users to form meetup groups based on specific interests. There are women's social groups, hiking groups, book clubs, spiritual groups, and on and on and on. So I decided to step out of my box and joined a couple of meetup groups. One of them was filled with some of the most supportive, wonderful, and fantastic women and they have enriched my life in ways that I didn't even know I needed. I knew I wanted some "gal pals" to hang out with, but I didn't realize how much their support and laughter would bolster me when I was feeling angry or down. They have opened my eyes to new ideas, broadened my way of thinking, and made me realize that I have more to offer people than I ever believed. Joining this group was one of the best things I have ever done in my life.

So today I am grateful for the joy that my friends bring me. We had a wonderful brunch at La Madeline where I had some of the best french toast ever. So here's to friends and french toast - may they continue to enrich my life.

Oh, if you want to know more about meetups, you can go to www.meetup.com

100 Things That Are Getting Better

It seems that the whole world has decided to be more joyful. In the February issue of O, The Oprah Magazine there is an article, "100 Things That are (Actually) Getting Better".

Here are some of my favorites:
1. Polyester
2. TV dinners
3. Dads
4. Candy
5. Marriage
6. Mascara
7. Crayloa Crayons
8. Our reputation around the world
9. Wanda Sykes
10. T-shirts
11. Tonkin snub-nosed monkeys
12. Tights
13. Definition of the good life
14. Jeans
15. and YOU!

For more information on O Magazine and the article you can go to http://www.oprah.com/omagazine.html

My Challenge

Last year I struggled with feelings of depression. I was dissatisfied with my life and felt I needed to be doing more with it. I think I cried more in the last six months than I have in my entire life. As 2010 rolled around, I decided that enough was enough. Seriously. I have a great life and it is time that I start appreciating it. If I want more out of it, I have to stop wallowing and start doing. So I got over myself and started trying to figure out what makes me happy.

The first thing I realized was that I have to stop looking at the glass as half-empty, which really is a lot easier than most people think. Two mantras that are really helping me: "Keep calm and carry on" - a British saying from World War II, and "It is what it is" - something that my husband's boss is always saying. I decided that I need to laugh more and look at the joy surrounding me.

My work recently started a 100 day wellness challenge and I felt that since being joyful was my goal for the year, that I could start it off with a 100 day happiness challenge. How much happiness and joy can I find in 100 days? How much of an impact will this have on me and those around me? Well, that remains to be seen. Each day I pledge to find something to be joyful about. I also plan to challenge myself, my family, and my friends with random acts of happiness. The more happiness and joy that we share, the better the world will be.

So here we go...100 days to a happier me!